Why does the story always end like this?
You're both tense, worried, stressed, tired, etc, whatever
WE KNOW, yeah we know, don't think we don't
we notice when you lash out at us but then,
then you reprimand each other for lashing out at us,
and then what happens? you both go quiet.
You make fun of her parents.
You defend yourself and your parents.
Then someone does a silly thing that affects no-one
for example: mommy pours ketchup on scrambled eggs,
daddy picks a fight over that, why????????
he says the little boy is old enough to ask first,
is he so spoiled that he cannot eat eggs without ketchup?
then it all goes downhill.
Eating habits are questioned, spiteful remarks spat out
family offended, feelings hurt,
someone storms out of the room.
Wait, where do we fit in?
Oh that's right, we're sitting there, quietly eating.
I am trying not to cry, my sister is eating
feigning a smile, my brother refuses to eat,
tonight he is not hungry and so mommy tries to get him to swallow
but she is still angry. She lashes out with her temper
she raises her voice, she threatens to take away tv privileges.
in his room daddy turns the tv up louder and louder,
laughing too hard, too loud, and too long.
I sit, trying not to cry, eat my food, clean the kitchen,
help until my siblings are clear of both tempers, then
then I hide in my room.
Under blankets and hugging my moose, I hear it all
the overcompensation efforts to seem strong on both sides,
the louder and louder clanking of pots and dishes in the kitchen,
the louder and louder volume of the tv in the master bedroom.
Half an hour, everything quiet now, I venture outside my cocoon
everyone feigning,like nothing happened
but feelings are hurt, egos deflated a bit,
nothing is really alright. I can see it,
in your actions, your words, your sullen silences.
Until you make-up, until you talk through it,
until the next time.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
My oasis
The dinner affair has been taken care of.
Two college applications 89 percent complete.
The beginning stages of "goodbyes" have begun.
I am ready to escape.
I gently hug my plush moose to my heaving chest,
I prop open Conrad's Heart of Darkness on my lap,
I lose myself in the heart of Africa and the search for ivory
while my fingers get lost caressing my moose.
Utterly lost in the swirl of Marlow's stories
and in the comforting warmth of my moose, I escape
everything: worries and pain are but alien words now.
Coming to the little tuft of hair on top of his head,
just between his horns and his little ears,
I am brought out of my literary reverie
and to the sweet memory of the meaning behind my little plush moose.
The day you gave it to me, how happy I was,
oh how I love this moose, it reminds me of you,
my little moose comforts me like you do.
I lose track of time, forget my worries,
I smile, lost in my oasis.
Two college applications 89 percent complete.
The beginning stages of "goodbyes" have begun.
I am ready to escape.
I gently hug my plush moose to my heaving chest,
I prop open Conrad's Heart of Darkness on my lap,
I lose myself in the heart of Africa and the search for ivory
while my fingers get lost caressing my moose.
Utterly lost in the swirl of Marlow's stories
and in the comforting warmth of my moose, I escape
everything: worries and pain are but alien words now.
Coming to the little tuft of hair on top of his head,
just between his horns and his little ears,
I am brought out of my literary reverie
and to the sweet memory of the meaning behind my little plush moose.
The day you gave it to me, how happy I was,
oh how I love this moose, it reminds me of you,
my little moose comforts me like you do.
I lose track of time, forget my worries,
I smile, lost in my oasis.
Mrwrwrwrwrwrwrwr
My quietly observant, strict Roman Catholic, conservative, celiac grandmother sweetly sits next to me on my bed,
only a few moments ago, to begin saying her goodbyes.
She tells me to take care of myself, wishes me luck,
mentions that she may not be here for my graduation,
slips in a slight about a pretty prom dress, preferably red,
and burdens my conscience.
She begins to tell me all her worries about my mother:
she's getting too thin, she look emaciated sometimes you know?
she stresses out too much,
have you seen her skin? she might have arthritis.
My father: he's gained so much weight, his attitude towards help,
he needs to get some help, his anxiety,
you know there exists an AA type thing for obesity,
he refuses help and you know,
your mother got real sullen about this subject too.
Not just about his weight, I know there is more stress
that has nothing to do with you going off to college,
he needs help, sweetie, you know?
My brother: he spends absolutely too much time playing those ....
those games, his hands appear permanently holding a console,
he's gonna have social issues in school, you'll see.
She fails to mention my sister, and looks at me sideways ...
she says she doesn't really know how things are these days between young kids,
boyfriends and girlfriends, but if I'm to have "relations" .... she blushes ...
you know, I should just be careful not just with pregnancy but ...
she goes quiet and shuffles her feet, you know, with diseases.
Um apparently this is a really personal decision to make and she feels she is not one to preach or give anyone advice on when is the "best" time, but ...
you know, just be careful, honey.
She hugs me, unsmiling now, but not quite frowning.
She is pleased with her first goodbye, but I know more is yet to come.
I am left sitting alone on my bed with all her worries mixed with my own.
My own worries heightened by hers and her prodding,
her simple "you know?"s, god enough!!!
I think about all of this without you telling me,
I don't need to hear this from your point of view.
Now I'm overflowing with too much emotion, half of it not even my own.
Music is quietly playing, I wish it were blasting but it has to be subdued.
Why? Because "the show" is on and no one likes "my" music.
So I am left to stew in my thoughts ....
I'd like to go running right now, but it's too dark and too cold.
So I settle for quiet music and literally turning my back on my family while they eat and talk and smile those fake smiles because they all worry about each other and no one says anything to the person they SHOULD be talking to. No, they come to me and spill their worries like sand escaping through fingers.
And I am left coming here, to enjoy the beautiful sound of the clanking keys so fast and furiously
only a few moments ago, to begin saying her goodbyes.
She tells me to take care of myself, wishes me luck,
mentions that she may not be here for my graduation,
slips in a slight about a pretty prom dress, preferably red,
and burdens my conscience.
She begins to tell me all her worries about my mother:
she's getting too thin, she look emaciated sometimes you know?
she stresses out too much,
have you seen her skin? she might have arthritis.
My father: he's gained so much weight, his attitude towards help,
he needs to get some help, his anxiety,
you know there exists an AA type thing for obesity,
he refuses help and you know,
your mother got real sullen about this subject too.
Not just about his weight, I know there is more stress
that has nothing to do with you going off to college,
he needs help, sweetie, you know?
My brother: he spends absolutely too much time playing those ....
those games, his hands appear permanently holding a console,
he's gonna have social issues in school, you'll see.
She fails to mention my sister, and looks at me sideways ...
she says she doesn't really know how things are these days between young kids,
boyfriends and girlfriends, but if I'm to have "relations" .... she blushes ...
you know, I should just be careful not just with pregnancy but ...
she goes quiet and shuffles her feet, you know, with diseases.
Um apparently this is a really personal decision to make and she feels she is not one to preach or give anyone advice on when is the "best" time, but ...
you know, just be careful, honey.
She hugs me, unsmiling now, but not quite frowning.
She is pleased with her first goodbye, but I know more is yet to come.
I am left sitting alone on my bed with all her worries mixed with my own.
My own worries heightened by hers and her prodding,
her simple "you know?"s, god enough!!!
I think about all of this without you telling me,
I don't need to hear this from your point of view.
Now I'm overflowing with too much emotion, half of it not even my own.
Music is quietly playing, I wish it were blasting but it has to be subdued.
Why? Because "the show" is on and no one likes "my" music.
So I am left to stew in my thoughts ....
I'd like to go running right now, but it's too dark and too cold.
So I settle for quiet music and literally turning my back on my family while they eat and talk and smile those fake smiles because they all worry about each other and no one says anything to the person they SHOULD be talking to. No, they come to me and spill their worries like sand escaping through fingers.
And I am left coming here, to enjoy the beautiful sound of the clanking keys so fast and furiously
Untitled and undated (#27)
What else does one do when you finish the PSATs an hour a half earlier than everyone? You sleep, normal people would sleep, but nooooooooo, I doodled and wrote poetry for an hour and a half
Sitting, wondering, staring at your face,
your hands move backwards, slowly down.
Enslaving me here until sand runs out,
taking pleasure in my pain and misery.
STOP STARING AT ME!
Your hands have stopped, why?
Just fifteen minutes more and I would've been free.
Hurry, hurry along now little hands,
when is my time up? Ring bell ring,
release me from this internal hell,
allow me my freedom now!
In a trance, you move slowly as ever,
TOO slowly, you must rush
forward in time, allow me my freedom.
Boredom sets in
insanity
I'm talking to a clock!!!
Sitting, wondering, staring at your face,
your hands move backwards, slowly down.
Enslaving me here until sand runs out,
taking pleasure in my pain and misery.
STOP STARING AT ME!
Your hands have stopped, why?
Just fifteen minutes more and I would've been free.
Hurry, hurry along now little hands,
when is my time up? Ring bell ring,
release me from this internal hell,
allow me my freedom now!
In a trance, you move slowly as ever,
TOO slowly, you must rush
forward in time, allow me my freedom.
Boredom sets in
insanity
I'm talking to a clock!!!
How do you do it?
How do you do it?
Everyday I fall in love with you again,
your eyes I am lost in, and you,
you are lost in my thoughts.
Butterflies somersault in my stomach
and set off fireworks
at the mere thought of you,
cliche but you should know it's true.
Eye's opening wide,
knots in my throat,
why does it always feel like the first time?
I could lay with you forever,
you make me feel safe,
melt with every kiss,
I just know I love you.
how do I know?
Why me? Why you? How?
I don't know, so answer me this.
How do you do it?
Everyday I fall in love with you again,
your eyes I am lost in, and you,
you are lost in my thoughts.
Butterflies somersault in my stomach
and set off fireworks
at the mere thought of you,
cliche but you should know it's true.
Eye's opening wide,
knots in my throat,
why does it always feel like the first time?
I could lay with you forever,
you make me feel safe,
melt with every kiss,
I just know I love you.
how do I know?
Why me? Why you? How?
I don't know, so answer me this.
How do you do it?
Finally Quiet (#9)
Silence is beautiful, nothing heard ...
Yet always there remains something that
whispers words softly.
Breathing absent, the Heartbeat gone,
even your Thoughts are gone.
In a blank room, empty, no one else,
just you and the silence;
a light shines, above you angelic choirs
just for you and the silence.
Yet always there remains something that
whispers words softly.
Breathing absent, the Heartbeat gone,
even your Thoughts are gone.
In a blank room, empty, no one else,
just you and the silence;
a light shines, above you angelic choirs
just for you and the silence.
Friday, October 30, 2009
lost
curled up, holding myself, feeling empty.
dejected, cascading warm waters enveloping me,
washing away my sorrow and grief, creating more.
surrounded with comfort, in a womb once more;
surrounded with pain, drowning once more;
despairing attacks of panic, scared
of what? of loss, utter loss
happiness, joy, and content fulfillment
smiles, laughter
no more, I fear, or do I delude myself so?
a smile, so hard to fake, I miss ...
everything I can't have, everything I know I need:
a look, a touch, a laugh, a smile in your eyes
a comforting feeling ... where is it?
weeping, total and complete abandon
succumbing to the hot water, fighting the hot tears
losing both battles, mercilessly pouring out
everything in me, talking to no-one
hoping you hear me, apologies and pleas,
vows heard only by droplets falling
falling, slipping down the drain,
soaked in water, tears, regret, pain, and hope
hope of something else, but washed out
sleepless night, tossing, turning, staining my pillow
with pain, terrifying haunting dreams
trapping me in fetters, waking up in a daze
like a ghost of me, I trudged through a schedule
as in another dream
unable to think of anything else
thinking, thinking, thinking, digging myself in deeper
over-analyzing, letting the tears fall in secret
hidden emotions bared to no-one,
silently pleading, begging for help
to no-one who can hear me
please, please hear me
dejected, cascading warm waters enveloping me,
washing away my sorrow and grief, creating more.
surrounded with comfort, in a womb once more;
surrounded with pain, drowning once more;
despairing attacks of panic, scared
of what? of loss, utter loss
happiness, joy, and content fulfillment
smiles, laughter
no more, I fear, or do I delude myself so?
a smile, so hard to fake, I miss ...
everything I can't have, everything I know I need:
a look, a touch, a laugh, a smile in your eyes
a comforting feeling ... where is it?
weeping, total and complete abandon
succumbing to the hot water, fighting the hot tears
losing both battles, mercilessly pouring out
everything in me, talking to no-one
hoping you hear me, apologies and pleas,
vows heard only by droplets falling
falling, slipping down the drain,
soaked in water, tears, regret, pain, and hope
hope of something else, but washed out
sleepless night, tossing, turning, staining my pillow
with pain, terrifying haunting dreams
trapping me in fetters, waking up in a daze
like a ghost of me, I trudged through a schedule
as in another dream
unable to think of anything else
thinking, thinking, thinking, digging myself in deeper
over-analyzing, letting the tears fall in secret
hidden emotions bared to no-one,
silently pleading, begging for help
to no-one who can hear me
please, please hear me
Thursday, September 10, 2009
frustration
For every verbal jab you take at me,
one tear rolls down.
Unseen, unnoticed.
I want to scream at you too, I wan to hurt you back,
I want to stand up and disrespect you back.
I want to take jabs at your heart too.
Call you ungrateful, call you insolent and lazy,
call you words we both know you're not.
I want to show you how hard this is
I want you to know how I truly feel
How much I need for you to just leave me be
I know what I'm doing.
I know what I need.
Don't ask about my sleep schedule
Don't ask about my work ethic
Don't ask about my mood
Don't ask about my eating habits
I have enough to deal with
Without you taking constant jabs
At me, at him, at us. At me!
Stop it, let me do my work alone
I don't need your jokes
I don't need your input
I don't need your immaturity right now
Just leave me be
one tear rolls down.
Unseen, unnoticed.
I want to scream at you too, I wan to hurt you back,
I want to stand up and disrespect you back.
I want to take jabs at your heart too.
Call you ungrateful, call you insolent and lazy,
call you words we both know you're not.
I want to show you how hard this is
I want you to know how I truly feel
How much I need for you to just leave me be
I know what I'm doing.
I know what I need.
Don't ask about my sleep schedule
Don't ask about my work ethic
Don't ask about my mood
Don't ask about my eating habits
I have enough to deal with
Without you taking constant jabs
At me, at him, at us. At me!
Stop it, let me do my work alone
I don't need your jokes
I don't need your input
I don't need your immaturity right now
Just leave me be
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Adjective Noun Verb, exception
faltering sunlight streaming
lace curtains billowing
vanilla candles ~ wafting
sensual strawberries ... mmm ...
(silky sheets enveloping)
rose...
....petals
............drifting
gently, hands caressing
feather pillows forgotten
increasing steam GATHERING
contented sighs escaping
excited chests heaving
lusciouslipsmeeting
eyes - frantic - rolling
electric.
shocks.
flashing.
gentle fingers exploring
gasping lips -
- parting
sacred meetings
repeating
lace curtains billowing
vanilla candles ~ wafting
sensual strawberries ... mmm ...
(silky sheets enveloping)
rose...
....petals
............drifting
gently, hands caressing
feather pillows forgotten
increasing steam GATHERING
contented sighs escaping
excited chests heaving
lusciouslipsmeeting
eyes - frantic - rolling
electric.
shocks.
flashing.
gentle fingers exploring
gasping lips -
- parting
sacred meetings
repeating
Moondance (inspired by Moondance)
As the moon crawls up into the starry stage
Silent flowers, watching, they bloom
We lazily sleep away the night
Missing out on their nightly romance
Well as we lie together tonight
I see stars dancing in your eyes
You smile and we do our own little dance
Only flowers and moon dancing by
Between the stars and the moon that shine
Such a spectacle to behold
And the flowers that reach up high
they sway, oh, they sway
And when I look at you
I see love dancing in your eyes
I see desire burning so bright
I know I can't hide
Can I stay up to watch my moon dance
with you, my darling?
Can I lay here watching my stars,
with you, my love?
Silent flowers, watching, they bloom
We lazily sleep away the night
Missing out on their nightly romance
Well as we lie together tonight
I see stars dancing in your eyes
You smile and we do our own little dance
Only flowers and moon dancing by
Between the stars and the moon that shine
Such a spectacle to behold
And the flowers that reach up high
they sway, oh, they sway
And when I look at you
I see love dancing in your eyes
I see desire burning so bright
I know I can't hide
Can I stay up to watch my moon dance
with you, my darling?
Can I lay here watching my stars,
with you, my love?
Saturday, August 8, 2009
what started as a sonnet and never became one (#25)
Hello stranger, you've for years been gone
You left quick, no for love you've come to look
A love lost, for no attention was paid
To the burning passion within her heart
Now you return, Eden's garden awaiting
Since Lucifer held no allure
For someone like you, no, you want her back
What makes you think she will still be waiting?
She could belong to someone else
Or all alone, waiting for your love
Don't worry your pretty little head
She will be forever waiting
Until the day you finally return
Return home, return to her
To her arms and in yours she will jump
She will wait forever if she has to
You are always worth it and she will be forever yours
You left quick, no for love you've come to look
A love lost, for no attention was paid
To the burning passion within her heart
Now you return, Eden's garden awaiting
Since Lucifer held no allure
For someone like you, no, you want her back
What makes you think she will still be waiting?
She could belong to someone else
Or all alone, waiting for your love
Don't worry your pretty little head
She will be forever waiting
Until the day you finally return
Return home, return to her
To her arms and in yours she will jump
She will wait forever if she has to
You are always worth it and she will be forever yours
untitled and undated (#21)
If only one day you'd see, but you never will. I am too afraid to let you in, too afraid of being hurt, but longing to be yours.
Open your eyes, I'm no longer scared. See me for me and not the facade you see everyday, see me for the one you love, if only. If only.
Open your eyes, I'm no longer scared. See me for me and not the facade you see everyday, see me for the one you love, if only. If only.
Untitled and undated (#20)
To everything there is a darker side, a side seldom seen by anyone. A side so dark that black coal looks light and the abyss of night seems a pale sight. That side of me that holds those things which ought not be seen, but I find myself longing for you to see this other side of me. If only you'd open your eyes you'd see how my heart aches for you, how my heart breaks when you look away, how I long for those accidental brushes of our hands. I tell you to stop, but I don't mean it. Never stop. Stay with me. Love me before it all fades away. Before your beautiful eyes become no more than dust in the wind. Before your touch transforms to mere memory, swallowed by the tide. Before I forget the sight of your smile. Before it all fades away into the darkest side of me.
Untitled and undated (#19)
I sit here, with you
You know I am here
Yet you don't see
The darker side of me
The side that longs for you
To be with me, for you
To hold me, for you
To see me
The side of me that
Fell for you when
You first loved me
So many years ago
The side that looks at you
With ravenous hunger
In its passionate eyes
Whenever you are near
The side that longs for
Your soft touch and
For to finally love me
The way I love you
You know I am here
Yet you don't see
The darker side of me
The side that longs for you
To be with me, for you
To hold me, for you
To see me
The side of me that
Fell for you when
You first loved me
So many years ago
The side that looks at you
With ravenous hunger
In its passionate eyes
Whenever you are near
The side that longs for
Your soft touch and
For to finally love me
The way I love you
The First Kiss (#31)
You hold me close in your arms
So tight the embrace
Staring deeply into my eyes
We are all alone here
You smile, you positively glow
Your eyes sparkle
We lean into each other
With every second we grow closer
My lips part in anticipation
I can smell your sweet scent
I could count every gold fleck
That shines in your eyes
Our lips make contact
Magic explodes around me
Your hand holding mine
Your arm around my waist
Exuberantly elated
The kiss ceases
You stare into my eyes
Our smiles widen
So tight the embrace
Staring deeply into my eyes
We are all alone here
You smile, you positively glow
Your eyes sparkle
We lean into each other
With every second we grow closer
My lips part in anticipation
I can smell your sweet scent
I could count every gold fleck
That shines in your eyes
Our lips make contact
Magic explodes around me
Your hand holding mine
Your arm around my waist
Exuberantly elated
The kiss ceases
You stare into my eyes
Our smiles widen
Why fight?
Angry whispers crescendo
Louder, penetrating walls
Louder, breaking down doors
The door I closed to shut them both out
As they yell, Louder, Louder!!!
I close the door, lock the door
Hug my stuffed animals, turn up the music
Can't hear my own thoughts
But I can still hear them
Can still feel my tears
Rolling down my cheeks
As they fight
Horrid names fly under the door
Under my skin, into my heart
Television volume turned up
So my siblings don't see
My music turned up louder
Competing with them, hiding my sobs
So they don't see what they do to me
Fighting, fighting, over what?
What's the use? The same fight
Again and again, louder and louder
Same argument, same names, same fight
I hide further away in my mind
Lose myself in the music
As the tears roll down
Flow down, cascade down
Like rivers into waterfalls
Fighting, fighting, why?
Is it over? I think it is
Is it safe to approach either?
My sullen father? My crying mother?
Who to comfort? Neither
Cause once again, the perfect family
Only to wait until another frayed link breaks
And the same fight begins
Louder, penetrating walls
Louder, breaking down doors
The door I closed to shut them both out
As they yell, Louder, Louder!!!
I close the door, lock the door
Hug my stuffed animals, turn up the music
Can't hear my own thoughts
But I can still hear them
Can still feel my tears
Rolling down my cheeks
As they fight
Horrid names fly under the door
Under my skin, into my heart
Television volume turned up
So my siblings don't see
My music turned up louder
Competing with them, hiding my sobs
So they don't see what they do to me
Fighting, fighting, over what?
What's the use? The same fight
Again and again, louder and louder
Same argument, same names, same fight
I hide further away in my mind
Lose myself in the music
As the tears roll down
Flow down, cascade down
Like rivers into waterfalls
Fighting, fighting, why?
Is it over? I think it is
Is it safe to approach either?
My sullen father? My crying mother?
Who to comfort? Neither
Cause once again, the perfect family
Only to wait until another frayed link breaks
And the same fight begins
I Need You To Love Me (#10)
I want to talk to you
To laugh with you
To smile with you
To joke with you
Can't you see that I need you?
I want to be with you
To run away with you
To walk with you
To spend lifetimes with you
Don't you see? I need you.
I want to be in love
For always and forever
Plus one extra day
Just to be with you more.
My life is perfect when I'm with you
A disaster when you're gone
I hate it when you're away
I want you to stay
I need you to stay
I need you to need me to
I need you to love me
To laugh with you
To smile with you
To joke with you
Can't you see that I need you?
I want to be with you
To run away with you
To walk with you
To spend lifetimes with you
Don't you see? I need you.
I want to be in love
For always and forever
Plus one extra day
Just to be with you more.
My life is perfect when I'm with you
A disaster when you're gone
I hate it when you're away
I want you to stay
I need you to stay
I need you to need me to
I need you to love me
Friday, June 19, 2009
Aura
When you finally found service,
I jumped for joy and smiled until this very moment.
I slept though the night,
I went through the rest of my day
With "an aura of elation"
as my sweet grandmother described it.
Tidal waves of relief flooded through my being
When I heard your voice again,
Your sweet voice, oh how I'd missed it
So much I missed you.
Knowing you were safe and on your way home,
I took off the necklace yesterday,
Knowing it clashed with my clothes.
I spent the day at the pool
Accompanied by my entire family,
But I could not help looking at my phone
Every hour or so, I wanted it.
I wanted a connection to you nearby ...
My grandmother kept reminding to stop smiling,
That my face would freeze that way.
They wonder why I was feeling so ...
Playful towards my siblings,
Why I cleaned my room without being asked,
Why I washed the dishes for dinner on time instead of at midnight,
Why I consented to so many unusual things,
All the while smiling like a little fool.
With an aura of elation, exuding happiness.
Why?
Because you're back home, nearby, safe.
I'm still smiling, incessantly, sweetly,
Lost in thought, reminiscing about you.
A smile and an aura.
I jumped for joy and smiled until this very moment.
I slept though the night,
I went through the rest of my day
With "an aura of elation"
as my sweet grandmother described it.
Tidal waves of relief flooded through my being
When I heard your voice again,
Your sweet voice, oh how I'd missed it
So much I missed you.
Knowing you were safe and on your way home,
I took off the necklace yesterday,
Knowing it clashed with my clothes.
I spent the day at the pool
Accompanied by my entire family,
But I could not help looking at my phone
Every hour or so, I wanted it.
I wanted a connection to you nearby ...
My grandmother kept reminding to stop smiling,
That my face would freeze that way.
They wonder why I was feeling so ...
Playful towards my siblings,
Why I cleaned my room without being asked,
Why I washed the dishes for dinner on time instead of at midnight,
Why I consented to so many unusual things,
All the while smiling like a little fool.
With an aura of elation, exuding happiness.
Why?
Because you're back home, nearby, safe.
I'm still smiling, incessantly, sweetly,
Lost in thought, reminiscing about you.
A smile and an aura.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Chick Lit
You know what I noticed yesterday at my favorite used-book store?
There's whole bookcases marked by the genre Chick Lit.
GENRE!!! It's a genre!!! Why?
and besides Chick Lit was the Romance section ...
Guess what? Everything was pink, whole isles of pink covers
pastel pink, hot pink, blinding amounts of pink
with titles like "Better in Bed" and "Cliques and Love"
Meaningless books about meaningless things,
Preppy girls talking about virginity and hot boys
Lip gloss, shopping, hating school, boys, boys, boys.
Those romance books? With the half-naked girls swooning and draped over the arm of those half-naked overly-muscular ape-like men.
No wonder women and girls are deemed less competent than boys and men.
These books are all used and continue to fly off the shelves, why?
Because women and girls really do read this trash and enjoy it,
Delving into stacks of these so-called novels,
frittering away their summers and endless years,
killing off brain-cells, reading these ... I hate to even call them books.
Don't women understand that they can read better books and not lose any femininity?
Being intelligent and learning and enjoying intellectuality is not wrong or unfeminine. Jesus, why? Women have come so far and it is people like these who hold women back.
Why do they even place these "books" next to the science fiction and the mysteries?
Why next to the philosophies of the Dalai Lama?
I don't understand it, so I walk away with "Crime and Punishment,"
"Brave New World," "Vinegar Hill," "Napoleon's Buttons," and "One Heart."
There's whole bookcases marked by the genre Chick Lit.
GENRE!!! It's a genre!!! Why?
and besides Chick Lit was the Romance section ...
Guess what? Everything was pink, whole isles of pink covers
pastel pink, hot pink, blinding amounts of pink
with titles like "Better in Bed" and "Cliques and Love"
Meaningless books about meaningless things,
Preppy girls talking about virginity and hot boys
Lip gloss, shopping, hating school, boys, boys, boys.
Those romance books? With the half-naked girls swooning and draped over the arm of those half-naked overly-muscular ape-like men.
No wonder women and girls are deemed less competent than boys and men.
These books are all used and continue to fly off the shelves, why?
Because women and girls really do read this trash and enjoy it,
Delving into stacks of these so-called novels,
frittering away their summers and endless years,
killing off brain-cells, reading these ... I hate to even call them books.
Don't women understand that they can read better books and not lose any femininity?
Being intelligent and learning and enjoying intellectuality is not wrong or unfeminine. Jesus, why? Women have come so far and it is people like these who hold women back.
Why do they even place these "books" next to the science fiction and the mysteries?
Why next to the philosophies of the Dalai Lama?
I don't understand it, so I walk away with "Crime and Punishment,"
"Brave New World," "Vinegar Hill," "Napoleon's Buttons," and "One Heart."
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Four Months
(I know I'm one day early, but I couldn't help myself. It just came to me and I knew I'd lose it if I didn't write it this very moment.)
You've been gone for only a few days,
But already I find it hard, so very hard,
To go through the day-to-day routine.
I can't sleep at night: I'm worried.
I've been having nightmares, bad dreams,
I worry about you, are you hurt?
Please don't be, I pray, each night,
Each time I wake up from these nightmares,
Each time I try to fall back asleep.
I hug the phone and fiddle with the necklace,
Over and over, until I'm again asleep.
Sleeping is futile, but being awake?
Yet a completely different nightmare.
I refuse to take off the necklace,
Thought it may not match my clothes.
I refuse to leave my phone behind,
Though I know you can not call.
I do everything to take my mind off you
But inevitably I come right back you.
I read a book and something reminds me of you.
I watch my favorite show and that damn dancer has your name.
I wash dishes, mow lawns, clean pools, walk Phoebe,
Cook meals, clean rooms, babysit, bathe Phoebe,
write poems not about you that lead to poems about you,
lie in the hammock to stare at the sky and it rains, reminding me of you.
So I try to sleep.
What is this nonsense?
I feel like one of those girls in romance novels,
Too helpless to lead my own life without you,
Losing sleep worrying over you,
trying to do everything to remember you're enjoying yourself.
Don't get me wrong, I've been having fun too.
I've had a pretty good time,these past few days,
But it takes so much focus to get you out of my mind.
Jeez, why is this so hard?
Being apart from you ... I've done this before,
I went months without talking to you before,
so why this now? Why is this so hard on my heart?
How have you managed to take complete hold of my heart and mind?
I miss you. I truly do, I guess that's why I can't sleep,
Why I can't think of anything but you,
Why all those songs make me feel like I'm about to cry.
I miss you.
That simple.
I miss you.
You've been gone for only a few days,
But already I find it hard, so very hard,
To go through the day-to-day routine.
I can't sleep at night: I'm worried.
I've been having nightmares, bad dreams,
I worry about you, are you hurt?
Please don't be, I pray, each night,
Each time I wake up from these nightmares,
Each time I try to fall back asleep.
I hug the phone and fiddle with the necklace,
Over and over, until I'm again asleep.
Sleeping is futile, but being awake?
Yet a completely different nightmare.
I refuse to take off the necklace,
Thought it may not match my clothes.
I refuse to leave my phone behind,
Though I know you can not call.
I do everything to take my mind off you
But inevitably I come right back you.
I read a book and something reminds me of you.
I watch my favorite show and that damn dancer has your name.
I wash dishes, mow lawns, clean pools, walk Phoebe,
Cook meals, clean rooms, babysit, bathe Phoebe,
write poems not about you that lead to poems about you,
lie in the hammock to stare at the sky and it rains, reminding me of you.
So I try to sleep.
What is this nonsense?
I feel like one of those girls in romance novels,
Too helpless to lead my own life without you,
Losing sleep worrying over you,
trying to do everything to remember you're enjoying yourself.
Don't get me wrong, I've been having fun too.
I've had a pretty good time,these past few days,
But it takes so much focus to get you out of my mind.
Jeez, why is this so hard?
Being apart from you ... I've done this before,
I went months without talking to you before,
so why this now? Why is this so hard on my heart?
How have you managed to take complete hold of my heart and mind?
I miss you. I truly do, I guess that's why I can't sleep,
Why I can't think of anything but you,
Why all those songs make me feel like I'm about to cry.
I miss you.
That simple.
I miss you.
Paper Treasures in Cardboard Trash
(So this lady was at my favorite used-books store and was trying to donate a huge box full of books but they kinda didn't want them, but I looked at this one book and she offered to let me look through the whole box. I got three books for leisure reading and two books that were on my summer reading list. I had a great time today. I thoroughly enjoyed myself at the used-book store ... though ... when do I not? : hehehe )
Sweet Southern woman
Stands in my favorite place,
That old used-book store,
Her cardboard box full,
Laden, with books.
Precious paper tomes.
Smells of the ocean.
Both old and new.
Books never heard of.
Books I had looked for.
Giving them away
to that old used-book store,
But they did not want any
and now three
belong to me.
She had no clue
what precious treasures
She held in her cardboard box
clearly marked Trash.
Sweet Southern woman
Stands in my favorite place,
That old used-book store,
Her cardboard box full,
Laden, with books.
Precious paper tomes.
Smells of the ocean.
Both old and new.
Books never heard of.
Books I had looked for.
Giving them away
to that old used-book store,
But they did not want any
and now three
belong to me.
She had no clue
what precious treasures
She held in her cardboard box
clearly marked Trash.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
the poem I wrote you for our three months. I finished it this morning - it was missing the last word.
When the rain showers the earth and fields
When the stars sparkle and the moon shines
When the evening shadows and the daylight brightens
When the sunshine smiles down on me
All I think of is you and the love I feel
I'd go hungry, I'd go blind for you
I'd walk miles, I'd cross rivers for you
There's nothing I wouldn't do to make you feel my love
When the storms are raging on the open seas
When the winds of change blow wild and free
When my heart is beating incessantly
When you smile at me and hold me close
All I think of is you and how you make my dreams come true
I'd offer you the world and more
To make you feel my love
I'd hold you in my arms for a million years
There's no doubt in my mind where I belong
I'd go to the ends of the earth for you
If only to make you feel my love
When the sands of time pass
Slowly and tenderly, stretching eternity
Quickly and brutally, taking from me time with you
When you look in my eyes and say those three words
Each time so different and yet
Each time the same feeling blooms within me
And all I can think of is you and any way
To make you feel my love
When the stars sparkle and the moon shines
When the evening shadows and the daylight brightens
When the sunshine smiles down on me
All I think of is you and the love I feel
I'd go hungry, I'd go blind for you
I'd walk miles, I'd cross rivers for you
There's nothing I wouldn't do to make you feel my love
When the storms are raging on the open seas
When the winds of change blow wild and free
When my heart is beating incessantly
When you smile at me and hold me close
All I think of is you and how you make my dreams come true
I'd offer you the world and more
To make you feel my love
I'd hold you in my arms for a million years
There's no doubt in my mind where I belong
I'd go to the ends of the earth for you
If only to make you feel my love
When the sands of time pass
Slowly and tenderly, stretching eternity
Quickly and brutally, taking from me time with you
When you look in my eyes and say those three words
Each time so different and yet
Each time the same feeling blooms within me
And all I can think of is you and any way
To make you feel my love
Saturday, May 16, 2009
para mi papi
Margarita esta linda la mar y el viento,
tu me leias a mi, tu vos como una cancion
tan dulce, esas memorias, como un cariño
de esos dias pasados, cuando yo era chiquita
cuand yo cabia en un solo brazo tuyo,
cuando tus camisas eran mis bestidos de angelita.
tu me leias a mi, tu vos como una cancion
tan dulce, esas memorias, como un cariño
de esos dias pasados, cuando yo era chiquita
cuand yo cabia en un solo brazo tuyo,
cuando tus camisas eran mis bestidos de angelita.
Sanity ... written on a whim
In some place far, far away, very far away
Far away from ringing bells and classes
Far from these clogged hallways
Far from teachers, coaches, assignments
Far from stress and drama
Far from whitewashed walls
Lies my sanity
Far away from ringing bells and classes
Far from these clogged hallways
Far from teachers, coaches, assignments
Far from stress and drama
Far from whitewashed walls
Lies my sanity
Please don't worry
The Damned Disease pieces are FICTIONAL, not real, not about me. I love love and I do not feel any of the feelings described in those stories, nor have I ever felt that way.
The Damned Disease part 4 (#45)
Help me! Please a savior is all I need to rescue me from this pit of darkness that is clawing at my soul. The vast depths of eternity are spread at my feet. Lurking around each corner is a new darker entity waiting, watching me with hollow stones. Waiting for the time when the disease spreads through my veins and tears me apart. I once was strong but now my resolve is slipping. I'm crumbling, cracked and frayed with stress and pain. It has wormed its way into my dreams, trapping me in a never-ending cycle of torture and pain. Oh please help me! Suffocating, tormenting, raping my mind of all pure thoughts and replacing them with dark destructive images. The very air which I breathe is laced with the poison that is love. It's all around me threatening to envelope my being, taunting me with images that strike my already beaten heart with 1000 knives of hot raging fury. The flames of hell lick at my flesh and the devil laughs in my face, his putrid breath invades my throat, choking me until I feel the darkness pulling me down, swallowing me until I can not fight anymore. What have I become?
The Damned Disease part 3 (#29)
Pain. That is all I feel. An eternal burning pain traveling the width, length, and depth of my being. My body is broken, my soul destroyed. I am but a shell of my former being.
I see no light, nor do I feel any heat. I am as good as dead. Love has destroyed everything in my life and will forever do so. It has taken those which I held dear and has pulled them from my grasp. Is this their plan for me? Am I to bear the worlds pain and still be expected to smile? I am not strong enough.
That damned disease has weakened my resolve my shields are down and my walls are crumbling. Damn that damned disease, damn it to the hell from which it spawned. I fear that I am being pulled into an endless void of darkness depression and destruction and I see no light to rescue me. Am I doomed to a life of pain?
I see no light, nor do I feel any heat. I am as good as dead. Love has destroyed everything in my life and will forever do so. It has taken those which I held dear and has pulled them from my grasp. Is this their plan for me? Am I to bear the worlds pain and still be expected to smile? I am not strong enough.
That damned disease has weakened my resolve my shields are down and my walls are crumbling. Damn that damned disease, damn it to the hell from which it spawned. I fear that I am being pulled into an endless void of darkness depression and destruction and I see no light to rescue me. Am I doomed to a life of pain?
The Damned Disease part 2 (#28)
The sound of desperate cries and angry sighs pierce the air. Nobody is immune to the disease, nobody is unaffected. Its affliction is fate. It surpasses time, fills space and spreads like wild fire. It is an unstoppable force, spanning distances far greater than the human mind can comprehend. It goes above humans, above Gods above all that is, ever was, and ever will be. It is weightless yet brings about a weight that is so heavy, it drives us into the ground, drowning us in despair and dismay. One can not see it, yet one can see the affects. One can not hear it unless it is uttered on another's breath. One can not taste nor touch it unless locked in passion and desire created by it. One can only feel it. Feel it capture their hearts, minds and bodies, then crush them with it's cold claws. Why? Because it is a cruel force that feeds on the negative emotions which spawn from it.
Where ever this disease dwells, devastation, destruction, desperation and dismay dominate. Tears spill into the vast network of ponds, lakes, rivers, seas, oceans that cover this world. They are uniting to form one almighty force. Then when the time is right, they will strike as one, eliminating everything. There will be no more tears for there will be no more eyes to weep them. There shall be no more pain-filled cries for there will be no more mouths to yell them. Ultimately, there will be no more. And the disease? It shall be wiped out. Erased from this Earth. However I fear that it will find a way to be reborn. What then? The war, the battles will begin again. Nobody is safe. It can not be stopped. I see no other solution but to step back and resign to our fate. Bow down to this damned disease and accept whatever it throws at us. We are a damned race. Damned by a damned disease.
Where ever this disease dwells, devastation, destruction, desperation and dismay dominate. Tears spill into the vast network of ponds, lakes, rivers, seas, oceans that cover this world. They are uniting to form one almighty force. Then when the time is right, they will strike as one, eliminating everything. There will be no more tears for there will be no more eyes to weep them. There shall be no more pain-filled cries for there will be no more mouths to yell them. Ultimately, there will be no more. And the disease? It shall be wiped out. Erased from this Earth. However I fear that it will find a way to be reborn. What then? The war, the battles will begin again. Nobody is safe. It can not be stopped. I see no other solution but to step back and resign to our fate. Bow down to this damned disease and accept whatever it throws at us. We are a damned race. Damned by a damned disease.
The Damned Disease (#26)
Over countless cities, over continents and countries, seas and skies, internal storms stir. Battles between hearts and minds wage on and blood and tears are shed. 3 words, 8 letters can win hearts and destroy lives. Mistakes are made and worlds fall apart. Your dreams come crashing around you, tumbling, and crumbling until there is nothing left. The fire of desire no longer burns with gentle warmth but burns with eternal fury. Madness grips your mind, confusing you and erasing all thoughts of happiness. Light leaves life until there is nothing but darkness. Heat no longer exists and all is cold.
The walls of oblivion reach up high into the blackened sky and surround you confining you to an everlasting hell.
Food has no taste and words hold no meaning. Life becomes pointless and every breath pulls the blade of depression deeper into your core. Souls that once were bright embodiments become cold, empty black shadows of nothingness.
Some turn to material escapes. They drown them selves in the devils drink: alcohol. Some gamble to throw their possessions away like their lives, and some wallow in the pity that has become their existence. Grief grasps you by the throat, feeding on every cry, every strangled moan, every plea and prayer, and depression drowns you in hopeless dreams, unheard and unanswered wishes. A thousand knives of regret stab and slice at your skin and your blood runs cold. Cold as your blackened, bruised and broken heart.
Oh how the storm surges. Wrecking homes, stealing lives. Mistakes made and words left unsaid feed this monstrosities undying hunger. Yet it is not enough. It thirsts for more. Thousands of tears shed can not quench its eternal thirst. It is never enough. It revels in destruction. It feeds on your pain. And what is the name given to this damned disease? Well my friends it is simple: Love.
The walls of oblivion reach up high into the blackened sky and surround you confining you to an everlasting hell.
Food has no taste and words hold no meaning. Life becomes pointless and every breath pulls the blade of depression deeper into your core. Souls that once were bright embodiments become cold, empty black shadows of nothingness.
Some turn to material escapes. They drown them selves in the devils drink: alcohol. Some gamble to throw their possessions away like their lives, and some wallow in the pity that has become their existence. Grief grasps you by the throat, feeding on every cry, every strangled moan, every plea and prayer, and depression drowns you in hopeless dreams, unheard and unanswered wishes. A thousand knives of regret stab and slice at your skin and your blood runs cold. Cold as your blackened, bruised and broken heart.
Oh how the storm surges. Wrecking homes, stealing lives. Mistakes made and words left unsaid feed this monstrosities undying hunger. Yet it is not enough. It thirsts for more. Thousands of tears shed can not quench its eternal thirst. It is never enough. It revels in destruction. It feeds on your pain. And what is the name given to this damned disease? Well my friends it is simple: Love.
Friday, May 15, 2009
The Black Rose #32
The black rose fades
Petals slowly drifting down
Covering the ground
Snowflakes take flight
Covering the petals
Covering the ground
A pale moon shining
Casting permanent shadows
Over the long dead red rose
Petals slowly drifting down
Covering the ground
Snowflakes take flight
Covering the petals
Covering the ground
A pale moon shining
Casting permanent shadows
Over the long dead red rose
Knights and Nights # 16
I await with baited breath
There goes another night
And I, waiting for a knight
Bold enough to rescue me
Years go by without him
My beloved knight,
Won't you please come tonight?
There goes another night
And I, waiting for a knight
Bold enough to rescue me
Years go by without him
My beloved knight,
Won't you please come tonight?
My Nights: The Fantasies #6
I sleep and dream
You appear at my window
A smile plays on your lips
We escape reality
A simple kiss shared
Bursting with love
Amid the night sky
Stars shine brightly
You look into my eyes
I look into yours
As you whisper
"I love you"
I'm back in my bed
Alone and wishing
Wishing for you
Make my dreams come true
You appear at my window
A smile plays on your lips
We escape reality
A simple kiss shared
Bursting with love
Amid the night sky
Stars shine brightly
You look into my eyes
I look into yours
As you whisper
"I love you"
I'm back in my bed
Alone and wishing
Wishing for you
Make my dreams come true
My Days: The Nightmares #5
Now my heart is hardly beating
My breathing silent, subtle
My head clouded with thoughts
Of you, each and every day
When you're not near me
I see you everywhere
In the darkness, in the hallways
Your image ever so clear
You're far away
Yet your voice I can still hear
Whispering sweet tales
Into my eager ears
Oh, how I love you
Though you aren't here, you are
You won't go away,
But I want you to stay ...
My breathing silent, subtle
My head clouded with thoughts
Of you, each and every day
When you're not near me
I see you everywhere
In the darkness, in the hallways
Your image ever so clear
You're far away
Yet your voice I can still hear
Whispering sweet tales
Into my eager ears
Oh, how I love you
Though you aren't here, you are
You won't go away,
But I want you to stay ...
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
"Why is education important?" essay for an application, thought AM mgiht like it :)
Young girls in today's society are very susceptible to suggestion, especially girls in the inner cities. They not only have to listen to what is thrown at them by television, magazines, movies, trendy books, school teachers, parents, and by fellow young girls, but they also have to try to figure out what is wrong and what is right. So how do we prevent all this information from confusing and corrupting the young girls of our country? The answer is education. In schools and at home, girls need to learn that the education provided for them can carry them much further than anything else.
Girls need to learn they are equal to boys. They can learn anything boys can learn and can succeed just as easily. Girls need to learn confidence and self-respect, self-esteem and self-worth, all great qualities that often come through learning experiences at school. Girls can also learn these qualities through historical examples of great and powerful women like Queen Hatshepsut who had to pretend to be a man to be allowed to rule Egypt without a husband; Joan of Arc who single-handedly led the French army in several victories during the Hundred Years War; Queen Elizabeth I of England who founded the Church of England and led England into a Golden Age of prosperity; and Marie Curie, a Polish physicist who made great breakthroughs in the field of radioactivity. These women were proud of who they were, sure of their goals in life, and stood against much adversity because they were women. They used their knowledge to achieve their goals and to better this world. Women today are still learning to reach their goals, still learning they are equal to men, like the first female president of
Public schools offer state provided education with some of the best trained teachers in the country. Education provides girls with endless information and opportunities to grow, not only as students but as people. Education gives girls confidence and the knowledge to do things they could never dream of before. In school, girls learn more than just class lessons, they learn compassion for others, selflessness, integrity, self-respect, trustworthiness and humility. If girls could take advantage of these life lessons and realize that their education is the most valuable tool they posses, then the girls who think they have the leas amount of impact on their communities will bring forth the greatest changes in the world.
Friday, April 3, 2009
the one day it snowed
as the winds of winter blow past, the gentle snowflakes float by
drifting sideways, slanted, upside down, turning and turning
past the trees, through the branches, over the hoods of parked cars
resting on warm schoolhouse windows as wondering students watch
distracted from their lessons, awe and wonder on their faces
snow flurries changing directions, whirling in circles
resembling a maelstrom, riding the waves of the not so gentle wind
curious little snowflakes, as different as you and me
drifting sideways, slanted, upside down, turning and turning
past the trees, through the branches, over the hoods of parked cars
resting on warm schoolhouse windows as wondering students watch
distracted from their lessons, awe and wonder on their faces
snow flurries changing directions, whirling in circles
resembling a maelstrom, riding the waves of the not so gentle wind
curious little snowflakes, as different as you and me
Insanity .... what comes from babysitting
Slowly losing my mind
marble by marble
bit by bit by bit
screw by screw
now it's all gone
marble by marble
bit by bit by bit
screw by screw
now it's all gone
The surprise poem from Latin class (unrevised and uncut) sorry if it makes no sense
"Love is what I feel when all emotion is drained out of me and I think of you"
always there when I need you
holding my hand through it all.
I've never had to ask
you always know when I need comfort
you are always there for me
holding my hand through it all.
through sunshiny happiness,
through thundering anger,
through the unceasing rain of grief,
through despair and confusion,
through bubbling excitement, always
holding my hand through it all.
You keep me safe, sane, and happy
I am always happy in your arms
no matter what I'm feeling
because I know that through it all
you'll always love me for me
for who I am and for who I'm not.
I know no matter what goes wrong in my life,
you'll always be there to make it right,
I'll always be happy in your arms
because nothing could take away
the happiness you give me,
even if it wrong to be happy
according to the societal conventions
of the current moment, I can't help it
because you make me feel so happy when you
hold my hand through it all
always there when I need you
holding my hand through it all.
I've never had to ask
you always know when I need comfort
you are always there for me
holding my hand through it all.
through sunshiny happiness,
through thundering anger,
through the unceasing rain of grief,
through despair and confusion,
through bubbling excitement, always
holding my hand through it all.
You keep me safe, sane, and happy
I am always happy in your arms
no matter what I'm feeling
because I know that through it all
you'll always love me for me
for who I am and for who I'm not.
I know no matter what goes wrong in my life,
you'll always be there to make it right,
I'll always be happy in your arms
because nothing could take away
the happiness you give me,
even if it wrong to be happy
according to the societal conventions
of the current moment, I can't help it
because you make me feel so happy when you
hold my hand through it all
Today
I found my old notebook with all the poems I've written since 8th grade. Some of them were very interesting to read while some were just plain embarrassing to think I had ever written something like that. I think I may be posting them regularly over Spring Break ... yes, I will. I'm looking forward to writing more during the break and I also wrote a new poem today, reflecting on the past few months. It kinda just flowed out and when I looked down to the Latin grammar review test I was suposed to be taking, there was a giant blue poem all over it ... hehehe, that's Ana for you ... Anyways, I think this blog is haunted cause everytime I log on, my first post has a new font ... very weird, I still believe it is haunted by some sort of electronic poltergeist.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Finding My Beliefs
| Finding My Beliefs | ||
| As a child I had no beliefs. I lived by what was repeatedly dictated to me by my parents and my piano instructor. Things were either black or white, either I was wrong or I was right. My piano instructor sat me in front of the piano keys every Thursday, saying: “Play me a chromatic scale,” I simply obeyed and played. She became angry if I missed a note and would make me play the scale until it was perfect; somehow, I could never get it quite right. For eight years, I believed what others told me to and never questioned them. I believed in a black and white world where I saw no shades of grey because, to me, they didn’t exist. I had my first head-on collision with grey in the fourth grade. I had joined the chorus and found that there too I had to warm up with that dreadful chromatic scale. If the teacher would have let me drop out, I gladly would have done so; except she wouldn’t allow it. Three weeks later I was standing by the piano, singing “Down by the Bay” while she accompanied me. Her hands suddenly smashed into the piano keys and images of Beethoven flashed through my mind as she declared: “Your voice can have more than one sound, and I don’t mean note wise. I mean tone.” Odd, I thought, but interesting. By taking her advice, I learned to appreciate music and art from new angles. I had found my grey. For the remaining two years of elementary school, I remained in the chorus, learning to control the tone of my voice and finding grey in the very places I thought it couldn’t exist. But, I did not realize until I entered the orchestra that colors existed behind the grey. My teacher was a perfectionist. “Play it right,” he always said, “or we play it again.” I became annoyed, and found myself disagreeing with him constantly on the way he told us to play; eventually I built up courage to talk to him after class and ask him why there was only one was to play “Jingle Bells.” Reeling with laughter, he brought out a copy of the music and pointed a million ways to play it but the composer had left absolutely no room for interpretation so we were limited to play it just the way we had been. Disagreeing, I brought out my violin and showed him that the song could sound happier if only it was quicker. He smiled secretly, letting me know I was right. Through orchestra class, I found a whole spectrum of colors hiding behind the black dots on the pages, and everywhere else too. All I had to do was look. As time goes on, I purposely search for the hidden colors and other ways to broaden not only my mind, but the minds of others, because I believe that an open mind can find colors in the bleakest of times. |
D.A.T.I.N.G. ... and feeling overly sappy
Diving into those sweet pools of obsidian darkness
Aiming to be nearer to you, missing your heart beat
Thinking about your mellifluous voice floating in air
Imagining why on earth it didn't happen sooner
Not caring that it's raining and I'm soaking wet
Giving you all of my heart
02/18/09
Aiming to be nearer to you, missing your heart beat
Thinking about your mellifluous voice floating in air
Imagining why on earth it didn't happen sooner
Not caring that it's raining and I'm soaking wet
Giving you all of my heart
02/18/09
Dedicated to Colin, a great friend and musician
nothing comes from empty thoughts
food offers no comfort
tears give only more confusion
Music, only Music, heals.
note by note, sad chords,
serene melodies, and sweet sounds
offer the only solace
comparable to the embrace of loving arms.
a cold numbness surrounds me,
fatigue and fragility,
unstable thoughts and tears.
tears that come and go,
gripping my heart with unrelenting grief,
but I can find no solace, no relief.
empty words on paper will fade in time,
harsh light and unbearable darkness,
nothing can help except for the sweet sounds.
lovely violins and calm baby grands,
smooth six-strings and angelic harps,
melancholy horns and mourning woodwinds,
within them I am lost, forgetting,
forgetting everything and remembering nothing,
nothing except for the sweet sounds
calming the tides of pain and grief
and bringing me peace,
like a pair of loving arms,
wrapped tightly and protectively
around me, surrounding me
in love and comfort.
sweet Music, play, play for me,
help me forget and remember,
play for me, play,
play, sweet Music, play.
~~~ written March 28th, 2009, in memory of Colin Green
food offers no comfort
tears give only more confusion
Music, only Music, heals.
note by note, sad chords,
serene melodies, and sweet sounds
offer the only solace
comparable to the embrace of loving arms.
a cold numbness surrounds me,
fatigue and fragility,
unstable thoughts and tears.
tears that come and go,
gripping my heart with unrelenting grief,
but I can find no solace, no relief.
empty words on paper will fade in time,
harsh light and unbearable darkness,
nothing can help except for the sweet sounds.
lovely violins and calm baby grands,
smooth six-strings and angelic harps,
melancholy horns and mourning woodwinds,
within them I am lost, forgetting,
forgetting everything and remembering nothing,
nothing except for the sweet sounds
calming the tides of pain and grief
and bringing me peace,
like a pair of loving arms,
wrapped tightly and protectively
around me, surrounding me
in love and comfort.
sweet Music, play, play for me,
help me forget and remember,
play for me, play,
play, sweet Music, play.
~~~ written March 28th, 2009, in memory of Colin Green
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