the poem I wrote you for our three months. I finished it this morning - it was missing the last word.

When the rain showers the earth and fields
When the stars sparkle and the moon shines
When the evening shadows and the daylight brightens
When the sunshine smiles down on me
All I think of is you and the love I feel
I'd go hungry, I'd go blind for you
I'd walk miles, I'd cross rivers for you
There's nothing I wouldn't do to make you feel my love

When the storms are raging on the open seas
When the winds of change blow wild and free
When my heart is beating incessantly
When you smile at me and hold me close
All I think of is you and how you make my dreams come true
I'd offer you the world and more
To make you feel my love
I'd hold you in my arms for a million years
There's no doubt in my mind where I belong
I'd go to the ends of the earth for you
If only to make you feel my love

When the sands of time pass
Slowly and tenderly, stretching eternity
Quickly and brutally, taking from me time with you
When you look in my eyes and say those three words
Each time so different and yet
Each time the same feeling blooms within me
And all I can think of is you and any way
To make you feel my love

para mi papi

Margarita esta linda la mar y el viento,
tu me leias a mi, tu vos como una cancion
tan dulce, esas memorias, como un cariño
de esos dias pasados, cuando yo era chiquita
cuand yo cabia en un solo brazo tuyo,
cuando tus camisas eran mis bestidos de angelita.

Sanity ... written on a whim

In some place far, far away, very far away
Far away from ringing bells and classes
Far from these clogged hallways
Far from teachers, coaches, assignments
Far from stress and drama
Far from whitewashed walls
Lies my sanity

Please don't worry

The Damned Disease pieces are FICTIONAL, not real, not about me. I love love and I do not feel any of the feelings described in those stories, nor have I ever felt that way.

The Damned Disease part 4 (#45)

Help me! Please a savior is all I need to rescue me from this pit of darkness that is clawing at my soul. The vast depths of eternity are spread at my feet. Lurking around each corner is a new darker entity waiting, watching me with hollow stones. Waiting for the time when the disease spreads through my veins and tears me apart. I once was strong but now my resolve is slipping. I'm crumbling, cracked and frayed with stress and pain. It has wormed its way into my dreams, trapping me in a never-ending cycle of torture and pain. Oh please help me! Suffocating, tormenting, raping my mind of all pure thoughts and replacing them with dark destructive images. The very air which I breathe is laced with the poison that is love. It's all around me threatening to envelope my being, taunting me with images that strike my already beaten heart with 1000 knives of hot raging fury. The flames of hell lick at my flesh and the devil laughs in my face, his putrid breath invades my throat, choking me until I feel the darkness pulling me down, swallowing me until I can not fight anymore. What have I become?

The Damned Disease part 3 (#29)

Pain. That is all I feel. An eternal burning pain traveling the width, length, and depth of my being. My body is broken, my soul destroyed. I am but a shell of my former being.

I see no light, nor do I feel any heat. I am as good as dead. Love has destroyed everything in my life and will forever do so. It has taken those which I held dear and has pulled them from my grasp. Is this their plan for me? Am I to bear the worlds pain and still be expected to smile? I am not strong enough.

That damned disease has weakened my resolve my shields are down and my walls are crumbling. Damn that damned disease, damn it to the hell from which it spawned. I fear that I am being pulled into an endless void of darkness depression and destruction and I see no light to rescue me. Am I doomed to a life of pain?

The Damned Disease part 2 (#28)

The sound of desperate cries and angry sighs pierce the air. Nobody is immune to the disease, nobody is unaffected. Its affliction is fate. It surpasses time, fills space and spreads like wild fire. It is an unstoppable force, spanning distances far greater than the human mind can comprehend. It goes above humans, above Gods above all that is, ever was, and ever will be. It is weightless yet brings about a weight that is so heavy, it drives us into the ground, drowning us in despair and dismay. One can not see it, yet one can see the affects. One can not hear it unless it is uttered on another's breath. One can not taste nor touch it unless locked in passion and desire created by it. One can only feel it. Feel it capture their hearts, minds and bodies, then crush them with it's cold claws. Why? Because it is a cruel force that feeds on the negative emotions which spawn from it.

Where ever this disease dwells, devastation, destruction, desperation and dismay dominate. Tears spill into the vast network of ponds, lakes, rivers, seas, oceans that cover this world. They are uniting to form one almighty force. Then when the time is right, they will strike as one, eliminating everything. There will be no more tears for there will be no more eyes to weep them. There shall be no more pain-filled cries for there will be no more mouths to yell them. Ultimately, there will be no more. And the disease? It shall be wiped out. Erased from this Earth. However I fear that it will find a way to be reborn. What then? The war, the battles will begin again. Nobody is safe. It can not be stopped. I see no other solution but to step back and resign to our fate. Bow down to this damned disease and accept whatever it throws at us. We are a damned race. Damned by a damned disease.

The Damned Disease (#26)

Over countless cities, over continents and countries, seas and skies, internal storms stir. Battles between hearts and minds wage on and blood and tears are shed. 3 words, 8 letters can win hearts and destroy lives. Mistakes are made and worlds fall apart. Your dreams come crashing around you, tumbling, and crumbling until there is nothing left. The fire of desire no longer burns with gentle warmth but burns with eternal fury. Madness grips your mind, confusing you and erasing all thoughts of happiness. Light leaves life until there is nothing but darkness. Heat no longer exists and all is cold.

The walls of oblivion reach up high into the blackened sky and surround you confining you to an everlasting hell.

Food has no taste and words hold no meaning. Life becomes pointless and every breath pulls the blade of depression deeper into your core. Souls that once were bright embodiments become cold, empty black shadows of nothingness.

Some turn to material escapes. They drown them selves in the devils drink: alcohol. Some gamble to throw their possessions away like their lives, and some wallow in the pity that has become their existence. Grief grasps you by the throat, feeding on every cry, every strangled moan, every plea and prayer, and depression drowns you in hopeless dreams, unheard and unanswered wishes. A thousand knives of regret stab and slice at your skin and your blood runs cold. Cold as your blackened, bruised and broken heart.

Oh how the storm surges. Wrecking homes, stealing lives. Mistakes made and words left unsaid feed this monstrosities undying hunger. Yet it is not enough. It thirsts for more. Thousands of tears shed can not quench its eternal thirst. It is never enough. It revels in destruction. It feeds on your pain. And what is the name given to this damned disease? Well my friends it is simple: Love.

The Black Rose #32

The black rose fades
Petals slowly drifting down
Covering the ground

Snowflakes take flight
Covering the petals
Covering the ground

A pale moon shining
Casting permanent shadows
Over the long dead red rose

Knights and Nights # 16

I await with baited breath
There goes another night
And I, waiting for a knight
Bold enough to rescue me
Years go by without him
My beloved knight,
Won't you please come tonight?

My Nights: The Fantasies #6

I sleep and dream
You appear at my window
A smile plays on your lips
We escape reality

A simple kiss shared
Bursting with love
Amid the night sky
Stars shine brightly

You look into my eyes
I look into yours
As you whisper
"I love you"

I'm back in my bed
Alone and wishing
Wishing for you
Make my dreams come true

My Days: The Nightmares #5

Now my heart is hardly beating
My breathing silent, subtle
My head clouded with thoughts
Of you, each and every day

When you're not near me
I see you everywhere
In the darkness, in the hallways
Your image ever so clear

You're far away
Yet your voice I can still hear
Whispering sweet tales
Into my eager ears

Oh, how I love you
Though you aren't here, you are
You won't go away,
But I want you to stay ...

"Why is education important?" essay for an application, thought AM mgiht like it :)

Young girls in today's society are very susceptible to suggestion, especially girls in the inner cities. They not only have to listen to what is thrown at them by television, magazines, movies, trendy books, school teachers, parents, and by fellow young girls, but they also have to try to figure out what is wrong and what is right. So how do we prevent all this information from confusing and corrupting the young girls of our country? The answer is education. In schools and at home, girls need to learn that the education provided for them can carry them much further than anything else.

Girls need to learn they are equal to boys. They can learn anything boys can learn and can succeed just as easily. Girls need to learn confidence and self-respect, self-esteem and self-worth, all great qualities that often come through learning experiences at school. Girls can also learn these qualities through historical examples of great and powerful women like Queen Hatshepsut who had to pretend to be a man to be allowed to rule Egypt without a husband; Joan of Arc who single-handedly led the French army in several victories during the Hundred Years War; Queen Elizabeth I of England who founded the Church of England and led England into a Golden Age of prosperity; and Marie Curie, a Polish physicist who made great breakthroughs in the field of radioactivity. These women were proud of who they were, sure of their goals in life, and stood against much adversity because they were women. They used their knowledge to achieve their goals and to better this world. Women today are still learning to reach their goals, still learning they are equal to men, like the first female president of Argentina to be elected: Cristina Fernandez. She came from a humble family and a small city but she used her education in law to become the first elected female president of Argentina. She uses her power to better her country and her community and not for political gain, she uses her education and her caring heart to improve herself and an entire nation. If President Fernandez can do that, than our girls in the United States are capable of much more, if only they would appreciate the power of education.
Public schools offer state provided education with some of the best trained teachers in the country. Education provides girls with endless information and opportunities to grow, not only as students but as people. Education gives girls confidence and the knowledge to do things they could never dream of before. In school, girls learn more than just class lessons, they learn compassion for others, selflessness, integrity, self-respect, trustworthiness and humility. If girls could take advantage of these life lessons and realize that their education is the most valuable tool they posses, then the girls who think they have the leas amount of impact on their communities will bring forth the greatest changes in the world.

the one day it snowed

as the winds of winter blow past, the gentle snowflakes float by
drifting sideways, slanted, upside down, turning and turning
past the trees, through the branches, over the hoods of parked cars
resting on warm schoolhouse windows as wondering students watch
distracted from their lessons, awe and wonder on their faces
snow flurries changing directions, whirling in circles
resembling a maelstrom, riding the waves of the not so gentle wind
curious little snowflakes, as different as you and me

Insanity .... what comes from babysitting

Slowly losing my mind

marble by marble


bit by bit by bit



screw by screw




now it's all gone

The surprise poem from Latin class (unrevised and uncut) sorry if it makes no sense

"Love is what I feel when all emotion is drained out of me and I think of you"

always there when I need you
holding my hand through it all.
I've never had to ask
you always know when I need comfort
you are always there for me
holding my hand through it all.

through sunshiny happiness,
through thundering anger,
through the unceasing rain of grief,
through despair and confusion,
through bubbling excitement, always
holding my hand through it all.

You keep me safe, sane, and happy
I am always happy in your arms
no matter what I'm feeling
because I know that through it all
you'll always love me for me
for who I am and for who I'm not.
I know no matter what goes wrong in my life,
you'll always be there to make it right,
I'll always be happy in your arms
because nothing could take away
the happiness you give me,
even if it wrong to be happy
according to the societal conventions
of the current moment, I can't help it
because you make me feel so happy when you
hold my hand through it all

Today

I found my old notebook with all the poems I've written since 8th grade. Some of them were very interesting to read while some were just plain embarrassing to think I had ever written something like that. I think I may be posting them regularly over Spring Break ... yes, I will. I'm looking forward to writing more during the break and I also wrote a new poem today, reflecting on the past few months. It kinda just flowed out and when I looked down to the Latin grammar review test I was suposed to be taking, there was a giant blue poem all over it ... hehehe, that's Ana for you ... Anyways, I think this blog is haunted cause everytime I log on, my first post has a new font ... very weird, I still believe it is haunted by some sort of electronic poltergeist.

Finding My Beliefs

Finding My Beliefs

As a child I had no beliefs. I lived by what was repeatedly dictated to me by my parents and my piano instructor. Things were either black or white, either I was wrong or I was right. My piano instructor sat me in front of the piano keys every Thursday, saying: “Play me a chromatic scale,” I simply obeyed and played. She became angry if I missed a note and would make me play the scale until it was perfect; somehow, I could never get it quite right. For eight years, I believed what others told me to and never questioned them. I believed in a black and white world where I saw no shades of grey because, to me, they didn’t exist. I had my first head-on collision with grey in the fourth grade. I had joined the chorus and found that there too I had to warm up with that dreadful chromatic scale. If the teacher would have let me drop out, I gladly would have done so; except she wouldn’t allow it. Three weeks later I was standing by the piano, singing “Down by the Bay” while she accompanied me. Her hands suddenly smashed into the piano keys and images of Beethoven flashed through my mind as she declared: “Your voice can have more than one sound, and I don’t mean note wise. I mean tone.” Odd, I thought, but interesting. By taking her advice, I learned to appreciate music and art from new angles. I had found my grey. For the remaining two years of elementary school, I remained in the chorus, learning to control the tone of my voice and finding grey in the very places I thought it couldn’t exist. But, I did not realize until I entered the orchestra that colors existed behind the grey. My teacher was a perfectionist. “Play it right,” he always said, “or we play it again.” I became annoyed, and found myself disagreeing with him constantly on the way he told us to play; eventually I built up courage to talk to him after class and ask him why there was only one was to play “Jingle Bells.” Reeling with laughter, he brought out a copy of the music and pointed a million ways to play it but the composer had left absolutely no room for interpretation so we were limited to play it just the way we had been. Disagreeing, I brought out my violin and showed him that the song could sound happier if only it was quicker. He smiled secretly, letting me know I was right. Through orchestra class, I found a whole spectrum of colors hiding behind the black dots on the pages, and everywhere else too. All I had to do was look. As time goes on, I purposely search for the hidden colors and other ways to broaden not only my mind, but the minds of others, because I believe that an open mind can find colors in the bleakest of times.

D.A.T.I.N.G. ... and feeling overly sappy

Diving into those sweet pools of obsidian darkness
Aiming to be nearer to you, missing your heart beat
Thinking about your mellifluous voice floating in air
Imagining why on earth it didn't happen sooner
Not caring that it's raining and I'm soaking wet
Giving you all of my heart

02/18/09

Dedicated to Colin, a great friend and musician

nothing comes from empty thoughts
food offers no comfort
tears give only more confusion
Music, only Music, heals.

note by note, sad chords,
serene melodies, and sweet sounds
offer the only solace
comparable to the embrace of loving arms.

a cold numbness surrounds me,
fatigue and fragility,
unstable thoughts and tears.

tears that come and go,
gripping my heart with unrelenting grief,
but I can find no solace, no relief.

empty words on paper will fade in time,
harsh light and unbearable darkness,
nothing can help except for the sweet sounds.

lovely violins and calm baby grands,
smooth six-strings and angelic harps,
melancholy horns and mourning woodwinds,
within them I am lost, forgetting,
forgetting everything and remembering nothing,
nothing except for the sweet sounds
calming the tides of pain and grief
and bringing me peace,
like a pair of loving arms,
wrapped tightly and protectively
around me, surrounding me
in love and comfort.

sweet Music, play, play for me,
help me forget and remember,
play for me, play,
play, sweet Music, play.

~~~ written March 28th, 2009, in memory of Colin Green