Aura

When you finally found service,
I jumped for joy and smiled until this very moment.
I slept though the night,
I went through the rest of my day
With "an aura of elation"
as my sweet grandmother described it.
Tidal waves of relief flooded through my being
When I heard your voice again,
Your sweet voice, oh how I'd missed it
So much I missed you.
Knowing you were safe and on your way home,
I took off the necklace yesterday,
Knowing it clashed with my clothes.
I spent the day at the pool
Accompanied by my entire family,
But I could not help looking at my phone
Every hour or so, I wanted it.
I wanted a connection to you nearby ...
My grandmother kept reminding to stop smiling,
That my face would freeze that way.
They wonder why I was feeling so ...
Playful towards my siblings,
Why I cleaned my room without being asked,
Why I washed the dishes for dinner on time instead of at midnight,
Why I consented to so many unusual things,
All the while smiling like a little fool.
With an aura of elation, exuding happiness.
Why?
Because you're back home, nearby, safe.
I'm still smiling, incessantly, sweetly,
Lost in thought, reminiscing about you.
A smile and an aura.

Chick Lit

You know what I noticed yesterday at my favorite used-book store?
There's whole bookcases marked by the genre Chick Lit.
GENRE!!! It's a genre!!! Why?
and besides Chick Lit was the Romance section ...
Guess what? Everything was pink, whole isles of pink covers
pastel pink, hot pink, blinding amounts of pink
with titles like "Better in Bed" and "Cliques and Love"
Meaningless books about meaningless things,
Preppy girls talking about virginity and hot boys
Lip gloss, shopping, hating school, boys, boys, boys.
Those romance books? With the half-naked girls swooning and draped over the arm of those half-naked overly-muscular ape-like men.
No wonder women and girls are deemed less competent than boys and men.
These books are all used and continue to fly off the shelves, why?
Because women and girls really do read this trash and enjoy it,
Delving into stacks of these so-called novels,
frittering away their summers and endless years,
killing off brain-cells, reading these ... I hate to even call them books.
Don't women understand that they can read better books and not lose any femininity?
Being intelligent and learning and enjoying intellectuality is not wrong or unfeminine. Jesus, why? Women have come so far and it is people like these who hold women back.
Why do they even place these "books" next to the science fiction and the mysteries?
Why next to the philosophies of the Dalai Lama?
I don't understand it, so I walk away with "Crime and Punishment,"
"Brave New World," "Vinegar Hill," "Napoleon's Buttons," and "One Heart."

Four Months

(I know I'm one day early, but I couldn't help myself. It just came to me and I knew I'd lose it if I didn't write it this very moment.)


You've been gone for only a few days,
But already I find it hard, so very hard,
To go through the day-to-day routine.
I can't sleep at night: I'm worried.
I've been having nightmares, bad dreams,
I worry about you, are you hurt?
Please don't be, I pray, each night,
Each time I wake up from these nightmares,
Each time I try to fall back asleep.
I hug the phone and fiddle with the necklace,
Over and over, until I'm again asleep.
Sleeping is futile, but being awake?
Yet a completely different nightmare.
I refuse to take off the necklace,
Thought it may not match my clothes.
I refuse to leave my phone behind,
Though I know you can not call.
I do everything to take my mind off you
But inevitably I come right back you.
I read a book and something reminds me of you.
I watch my favorite show and that damn dancer has your name.
I wash dishes, mow lawns, clean pools, walk Phoebe,
Cook meals, clean rooms, babysit, bathe Phoebe,
write poems not about you that lead to poems about you,
lie in the hammock to stare at the sky and it rains, reminding me of you.
So I try to sleep.
What is this nonsense?
I feel like one of those girls in romance novels,
Too helpless to lead my own life without you,
Losing sleep worrying over you,
trying to do everything to remember you're enjoying yourself.
Don't get me wrong, I've been having fun too.
I've had a pretty good time,these past few days,
But it takes so much focus to get you out of my mind.
Jeez, why is this so hard?
Being apart from you ... I've done this before,
I went months without talking to you before,
so why this now? Why is this so hard on my heart?
How have you managed to take complete hold of my heart and mind?
I miss you. I truly do, I guess that's why I can't sleep,
Why I can't think of anything but you,
Why all those songs make me feel like I'm about to cry.
I miss you.
That simple.
I miss you.

Paper Treasures in Cardboard Trash

(So this lady was at my favorite used-books store and was trying to donate a huge box full of books but they kinda didn't want them, but I looked at this one book and she offered to let me look through the whole box. I got three books for leisure reading and two books that were on my summer reading list. I had a great time today. I thoroughly enjoyed myself at the used-book store ... though ... when do I not? : hehehe )




Sweet Southern woman
Stands in my favorite place,
That old used-book store,
Her cardboard box full,
Laden, with books.
Precious paper tomes.
Smells of the ocean.
Both old and new.
Books never heard of.
Books I had looked for.
Giving them away
to that old used-book store,
But they did not want any
and now three
belong to me.
She had no clue
what precious treasures
She held in her cardboard box
clearly marked Trash.

the poem I wrote you for our three months. I finished it this morning - it was missing the last word.

When the rain showers the earth and fields
When the stars sparkle and the moon shines
When the evening shadows and the daylight brightens
When the sunshine smiles down on me
All I think of is you and the love I feel
I'd go hungry, I'd go blind for you
I'd walk miles, I'd cross rivers for you
There's nothing I wouldn't do to make you feel my love

When the storms are raging on the open seas
When the winds of change blow wild and free
When my heart is beating incessantly
When you smile at me and hold me close
All I think of is you and how you make my dreams come true
I'd offer you the world and more
To make you feel my love
I'd hold you in my arms for a million years
There's no doubt in my mind where I belong
I'd go to the ends of the earth for you
If only to make you feel my love

When the sands of time pass
Slowly and tenderly, stretching eternity
Quickly and brutally, taking from me time with you
When you look in my eyes and say those three words
Each time so different and yet
Each time the same feeling blooms within me
And all I can think of is you and any way
To make you feel my love

para mi papi

Margarita esta linda la mar y el viento,
tu me leias a mi, tu vos como una cancion
tan dulce, esas memorias, como un cariño
de esos dias pasados, cuando yo era chiquita
cuand yo cabia en un solo brazo tuyo,
cuando tus camisas eran mis bestidos de angelita.

Sanity ... written on a whim

In some place far, far away, very far away
Far away from ringing bells and classes
Far from these clogged hallways
Far from teachers, coaches, assignments
Far from stress and drama
Far from whitewashed walls
Lies my sanity

Please don't worry

The Damned Disease pieces are FICTIONAL, not real, not about me. I love love and I do not feel any of the feelings described in those stories, nor have I ever felt that way.

The Damned Disease part 4 (#45)

Help me! Please a savior is all I need to rescue me from this pit of darkness that is clawing at my soul. The vast depths of eternity are spread at my feet. Lurking around each corner is a new darker entity waiting, watching me with hollow stones. Waiting for the time when the disease spreads through my veins and tears me apart. I once was strong but now my resolve is slipping. I'm crumbling, cracked and frayed with stress and pain. It has wormed its way into my dreams, trapping me in a never-ending cycle of torture and pain. Oh please help me! Suffocating, tormenting, raping my mind of all pure thoughts and replacing them with dark destructive images. The very air which I breathe is laced with the poison that is love. It's all around me threatening to envelope my being, taunting me with images that strike my already beaten heart with 1000 knives of hot raging fury. The flames of hell lick at my flesh and the devil laughs in my face, his putrid breath invades my throat, choking me until I feel the darkness pulling me down, swallowing me until I can not fight anymore. What have I become?

The Damned Disease part 3 (#29)

Pain. That is all I feel. An eternal burning pain traveling the width, length, and depth of my being. My body is broken, my soul destroyed. I am but a shell of my former being.

I see no light, nor do I feel any heat. I am as good as dead. Love has destroyed everything in my life and will forever do so. It has taken those which I held dear and has pulled them from my grasp. Is this their plan for me? Am I to bear the worlds pain and still be expected to smile? I am not strong enough.

That damned disease has weakened my resolve my shields are down and my walls are crumbling. Damn that damned disease, damn it to the hell from which it spawned. I fear that I am being pulled into an endless void of darkness depression and destruction and I see no light to rescue me. Am I doomed to a life of pain?

The Damned Disease part 2 (#28)

The sound of desperate cries and angry sighs pierce the air. Nobody is immune to the disease, nobody is unaffected. Its affliction is fate. It surpasses time, fills space and spreads like wild fire. It is an unstoppable force, spanning distances far greater than the human mind can comprehend. It goes above humans, above Gods above all that is, ever was, and ever will be. It is weightless yet brings about a weight that is so heavy, it drives us into the ground, drowning us in despair and dismay. One can not see it, yet one can see the affects. One can not hear it unless it is uttered on another's breath. One can not taste nor touch it unless locked in passion and desire created by it. One can only feel it. Feel it capture their hearts, minds and bodies, then crush them with it's cold claws. Why? Because it is a cruel force that feeds on the negative emotions which spawn from it.

Where ever this disease dwells, devastation, destruction, desperation and dismay dominate. Tears spill into the vast network of ponds, lakes, rivers, seas, oceans that cover this world. They are uniting to form one almighty force. Then when the time is right, they will strike as one, eliminating everything. There will be no more tears for there will be no more eyes to weep them. There shall be no more pain-filled cries for there will be no more mouths to yell them. Ultimately, there will be no more. And the disease? It shall be wiped out. Erased from this Earth. However I fear that it will find a way to be reborn. What then? The war, the battles will begin again. Nobody is safe. It can not be stopped. I see no other solution but to step back and resign to our fate. Bow down to this damned disease and accept whatever it throws at us. We are a damned race. Damned by a damned disease.

The Damned Disease (#26)

Over countless cities, over continents and countries, seas and skies, internal storms stir. Battles between hearts and minds wage on and blood and tears are shed. 3 words, 8 letters can win hearts and destroy lives. Mistakes are made and worlds fall apart. Your dreams come crashing around you, tumbling, and crumbling until there is nothing left. The fire of desire no longer burns with gentle warmth but burns with eternal fury. Madness grips your mind, confusing you and erasing all thoughts of happiness. Light leaves life until there is nothing but darkness. Heat no longer exists and all is cold.

The walls of oblivion reach up high into the blackened sky and surround you confining you to an everlasting hell.

Food has no taste and words hold no meaning. Life becomes pointless and every breath pulls the blade of depression deeper into your core. Souls that once were bright embodiments become cold, empty black shadows of nothingness.

Some turn to material escapes. They drown them selves in the devils drink: alcohol. Some gamble to throw their possessions away like their lives, and some wallow in the pity that has become their existence. Grief grasps you by the throat, feeding on every cry, every strangled moan, every plea and prayer, and depression drowns you in hopeless dreams, unheard and unanswered wishes. A thousand knives of regret stab and slice at your skin and your blood runs cold. Cold as your blackened, bruised and broken heart.

Oh how the storm surges. Wrecking homes, stealing lives. Mistakes made and words left unsaid feed this monstrosities undying hunger. Yet it is not enough. It thirsts for more. Thousands of tears shed can not quench its eternal thirst. It is never enough. It revels in destruction. It feeds on your pain. And what is the name given to this damned disease? Well my friends it is simple: Love.

The Black Rose #32

The black rose fades
Petals slowly drifting down
Covering the ground

Snowflakes take flight
Covering the petals
Covering the ground

A pale moon shining
Casting permanent shadows
Over the long dead red rose

Knights and Nights # 16

I await with baited breath
There goes another night
And I, waiting for a knight
Bold enough to rescue me
Years go by without him
My beloved knight,
Won't you please come tonight?

My Nights: The Fantasies #6

I sleep and dream
You appear at my window
A smile plays on your lips
We escape reality

A simple kiss shared
Bursting with love
Amid the night sky
Stars shine brightly

You look into my eyes
I look into yours
As you whisper
"I love you"

I'm back in my bed
Alone and wishing
Wishing for you
Make my dreams come true

My Days: The Nightmares #5

Now my heart is hardly beating
My breathing silent, subtle
My head clouded with thoughts
Of you, each and every day

When you're not near me
I see you everywhere
In the darkness, in the hallways
Your image ever so clear

You're far away
Yet your voice I can still hear
Whispering sweet tales
Into my eager ears

Oh, how I love you
Though you aren't here, you are
You won't go away,
But I want you to stay ...

"Why is education important?" essay for an application, thought AM mgiht like it :)

Young girls in today's society are very susceptible to suggestion, especially girls in the inner cities. They not only have to listen to what is thrown at them by television, magazines, movies, trendy books, school teachers, parents, and by fellow young girls, but they also have to try to figure out what is wrong and what is right. So how do we prevent all this information from confusing and corrupting the young girls of our country? The answer is education. In schools and at home, girls need to learn that the education provided for them can carry them much further than anything else.

Girls need to learn they are equal to boys. They can learn anything boys can learn and can succeed just as easily. Girls need to learn confidence and self-respect, self-esteem and self-worth, all great qualities that often come through learning experiences at school. Girls can also learn these qualities through historical examples of great and powerful women like Queen Hatshepsut who had to pretend to be a man to be allowed to rule Egypt without a husband; Joan of Arc who single-handedly led the French army in several victories during the Hundred Years War; Queen Elizabeth I of England who founded the Church of England and led England into a Golden Age of prosperity; and Marie Curie, a Polish physicist who made great breakthroughs in the field of radioactivity. These women were proud of who they were, sure of their goals in life, and stood against much adversity because they were women. They used their knowledge to achieve their goals and to better this world. Women today are still learning to reach their goals, still learning they are equal to men, like the first female president of Argentina to be elected: Cristina Fernandez. She came from a humble family and a small city but she used her education in law to become the first elected female president of Argentina. She uses her power to better her country and her community and not for political gain, she uses her education and her caring heart to improve herself and an entire nation. If President Fernandez can do that, than our girls in the United States are capable of much more, if only they would appreciate the power of education.
Public schools offer state provided education with some of the best trained teachers in the country. Education provides girls with endless information and opportunities to grow, not only as students but as people. Education gives girls confidence and the knowledge to do things they could never dream of before. In school, girls learn more than just class lessons, they learn compassion for others, selflessness, integrity, self-respect, trustworthiness and humility. If girls could take advantage of these life lessons and realize that their education is the most valuable tool they posses, then the girls who think they have the leas amount of impact on their communities will bring forth the greatest changes in the world.

the one day it snowed

as the winds of winter blow past, the gentle snowflakes float by
drifting sideways, slanted, upside down, turning and turning
past the trees, through the branches, over the hoods of parked cars
resting on warm schoolhouse windows as wondering students watch
distracted from their lessons, awe and wonder on their faces
snow flurries changing directions, whirling in circles
resembling a maelstrom, riding the waves of the not so gentle wind
curious little snowflakes, as different as you and me

Insanity .... what comes from babysitting

Slowly losing my mind

marble by marble


bit by bit by bit



screw by screw




now it's all gone

The surprise poem from Latin class (unrevised and uncut) sorry if it makes no sense

"Love is what I feel when all emotion is drained out of me and I think of you"

always there when I need you
holding my hand through it all.
I've never had to ask
you always know when I need comfort
you are always there for me
holding my hand through it all.

through sunshiny happiness,
through thundering anger,
through the unceasing rain of grief,
through despair and confusion,
through bubbling excitement, always
holding my hand through it all.

You keep me safe, sane, and happy
I am always happy in your arms
no matter what I'm feeling
because I know that through it all
you'll always love me for me
for who I am and for who I'm not.
I know no matter what goes wrong in my life,
you'll always be there to make it right,
I'll always be happy in your arms
because nothing could take away
the happiness you give me,
even if it wrong to be happy
according to the societal conventions
of the current moment, I can't help it
because you make me feel so happy when you
hold my hand through it all