Why does the story always end like this?
You're both tense, worried, stressed, tired, etc, whatever
WE KNOW, yeah we know, don't think we don't
we notice when you lash out at us but then,
then you reprimand each other for lashing out at us,
and then what happens? you both go quiet.
You make fun of her parents.
You defend yourself and your parents.
Then someone does a silly thing that affects no-one
for example: mommy pours ketchup on scrambled eggs,
daddy picks a fight over that, why????????
he says the little boy is old enough to ask first,
is he so spoiled that he cannot eat eggs without ketchup?
then it all goes downhill.
Eating habits are questioned, spiteful remarks spat out
family offended, feelings hurt,
someone storms out of the room.
Wait, where do we fit in?
Oh that's right, we're sitting there, quietly eating.
I am trying not to cry, my sister is eating
feigning a smile, my brother refuses to eat,
tonight he is not hungry and so mommy tries to get him to swallow
but she is still angry. She lashes out with her temper
she raises her voice, she threatens to take away tv privileges.
in his room daddy turns the tv up louder and louder,
laughing too hard, too loud, and too long.
I sit, trying not to cry, eat my food, clean the kitchen,
help until my siblings are clear of both tempers, then
then I hide in my room.
Under blankets and hugging my moose, I hear it all
the overcompensation efforts to seem strong on both sides,
the louder and louder clanking of pots and dishes in the kitchen,
the louder and louder volume of the tv in the master bedroom.
Half an hour, everything quiet now, I venture outside my cocoon
everyone feigning,like nothing happened
but feelings are hurt, egos deflated a bit,
nothing is really alright. I can see it,
in your actions, your words, your sullen silences.
Until you make-up, until you talk through it,
until the next time.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
My oasis
The dinner affair has been taken care of.
Two college applications 89 percent complete.
The beginning stages of "goodbyes" have begun.
I am ready to escape.
I gently hug my plush moose to my heaving chest,
I prop open Conrad's Heart of Darkness on my lap,
I lose myself in the heart of Africa and the search for ivory
while my fingers get lost caressing my moose.
Utterly lost in the swirl of Marlow's stories
and in the comforting warmth of my moose, I escape
everything: worries and pain are but alien words now.
Coming to the little tuft of hair on top of his head,
just between his horns and his little ears,
I am brought out of my literary reverie
and to the sweet memory of the meaning behind my little plush moose.
The day you gave it to me, how happy I was,
oh how I love this moose, it reminds me of you,
my little moose comforts me like you do.
I lose track of time, forget my worries,
I smile, lost in my oasis.
Two college applications 89 percent complete.
The beginning stages of "goodbyes" have begun.
I am ready to escape.
I gently hug my plush moose to my heaving chest,
I prop open Conrad's Heart of Darkness on my lap,
I lose myself in the heart of Africa and the search for ivory
while my fingers get lost caressing my moose.
Utterly lost in the swirl of Marlow's stories
and in the comforting warmth of my moose, I escape
everything: worries and pain are but alien words now.
Coming to the little tuft of hair on top of his head,
just between his horns and his little ears,
I am brought out of my literary reverie
and to the sweet memory of the meaning behind my little plush moose.
The day you gave it to me, how happy I was,
oh how I love this moose, it reminds me of you,
my little moose comforts me like you do.
I lose track of time, forget my worries,
I smile, lost in my oasis.
Mrwrwrwrwrwrwrwr
My quietly observant, strict Roman Catholic, conservative, celiac grandmother sweetly sits next to me on my bed,
only a few moments ago, to begin saying her goodbyes.
She tells me to take care of myself, wishes me luck,
mentions that she may not be here for my graduation,
slips in a slight about a pretty prom dress, preferably red,
and burdens my conscience.
She begins to tell me all her worries about my mother:
she's getting too thin, she look emaciated sometimes you know?
she stresses out too much,
have you seen her skin? she might have arthritis.
My father: he's gained so much weight, his attitude towards help,
he needs to get some help, his anxiety,
you know there exists an AA type thing for obesity,
he refuses help and you know,
your mother got real sullen about this subject too.
Not just about his weight, I know there is more stress
that has nothing to do with you going off to college,
he needs help, sweetie, you know?
My brother: he spends absolutely too much time playing those ....
those games, his hands appear permanently holding a console,
he's gonna have social issues in school, you'll see.
She fails to mention my sister, and looks at me sideways ...
she says she doesn't really know how things are these days between young kids,
boyfriends and girlfriends, but if I'm to have "relations" .... she blushes ...
you know, I should just be careful not just with pregnancy but ...
she goes quiet and shuffles her feet, you know, with diseases.
Um apparently this is a really personal decision to make and she feels she is not one to preach or give anyone advice on when is the "best" time, but ...
you know, just be careful, honey.
She hugs me, unsmiling now, but not quite frowning.
She is pleased with her first goodbye, but I know more is yet to come.
I am left sitting alone on my bed with all her worries mixed with my own.
My own worries heightened by hers and her prodding,
her simple "you know?"s, god enough!!!
I think about all of this without you telling me,
I don't need to hear this from your point of view.
Now I'm overflowing with too much emotion, half of it not even my own.
Music is quietly playing, I wish it were blasting but it has to be subdued.
Why? Because "the show" is on and no one likes "my" music.
So I am left to stew in my thoughts ....
I'd like to go running right now, but it's too dark and too cold.
So I settle for quiet music and literally turning my back on my family while they eat and talk and smile those fake smiles because they all worry about each other and no one says anything to the person they SHOULD be talking to. No, they come to me and spill their worries like sand escaping through fingers.
And I am left coming here, to enjoy the beautiful sound of the clanking keys so fast and furiously
only a few moments ago, to begin saying her goodbyes.
She tells me to take care of myself, wishes me luck,
mentions that she may not be here for my graduation,
slips in a slight about a pretty prom dress, preferably red,
and burdens my conscience.
She begins to tell me all her worries about my mother:
she's getting too thin, she look emaciated sometimes you know?
she stresses out too much,
have you seen her skin? she might have arthritis.
My father: he's gained so much weight, his attitude towards help,
he needs to get some help, his anxiety,
you know there exists an AA type thing for obesity,
he refuses help and you know,
your mother got real sullen about this subject too.
Not just about his weight, I know there is more stress
that has nothing to do with you going off to college,
he needs help, sweetie, you know?
My brother: he spends absolutely too much time playing those ....
those games, his hands appear permanently holding a console,
he's gonna have social issues in school, you'll see.
She fails to mention my sister, and looks at me sideways ...
she says she doesn't really know how things are these days between young kids,
boyfriends and girlfriends, but if I'm to have "relations" .... she blushes ...
you know, I should just be careful not just with pregnancy but ...
she goes quiet and shuffles her feet, you know, with diseases.
Um apparently this is a really personal decision to make and she feels she is not one to preach or give anyone advice on when is the "best" time, but ...
you know, just be careful, honey.
She hugs me, unsmiling now, but not quite frowning.
She is pleased with her first goodbye, but I know more is yet to come.
I am left sitting alone on my bed with all her worries mixed with my own.
My own worries heightened by hers and her prodding,
her simple "you know?"s, god enough!!!
I think about all of this without you telling me,
I don't need to hear this from your point of view.
Now I'm overflowing with too much emotion, half of it not even my own.
Music is quietly playing, I wish it were blasting but it has to be subdued.
Why? Because "the show" is on and no one likes "my" music.
So I am left to stew in my thoughts ....
I'd like to go running right now, but it's too dark and too cold.
So I settle for quiet music and literally turning my back on my family while they eat and talk and smile those fake smiles because they all worry about each other and no one says anything to the person they SHOULD be talking to. No, they come to me and spill their worries like sand escaping through fingers.
And I am left coming here, to enjoy the beautiful sound of the clanking keys so fast and furiously
Untitled and undated (#27)
What else does one do when you finish the PSATs an hour a half earlier than everyone? You sleep, normal people would sleep, but nooooooooo, I doodled and wrote poetry for an hour and a half
Sitting, wondering, staring at your face,
your hands move backwards, slowly down.
Enslaving me here until sand runs out,
taking pleasure in my pain and misery.
STOP STARING AT ME!
Your hands have stopped, why?
Just fifteen minutes more and I would've been free.
Hurry, hurry along now little hands,
when is my time up? Ring bell ring,
release me from this internal hell,
allow me my freedom now!
In a trance, you move slowly as ever,
TOO slowly, you must rush
forward in time, allow me my freedom.
Boredom sets in
insanity
I'm talking to a clock!!!
Sitting, wondering, staring at your face,
your hands move backwards, slowly down.
Enslaving me here until sand runs out,
taking pleasure in my pain and misery.
STOP STARING AT ME!
Your hands have stopped, why?
Just fifteen minutes more and I would've been free.
Hurry, hurry along now little hands,
when is my time up? Ring bell ring,
release me from this internal hell,
allow me my freedom now!
In a trance, you move slowly as ever,
TOO slowly, you must rush
forward in time, allow me my freedom.
Boredom sets in
insanity
I'm talking to a clock!!!
How do you do it?
How do you do it?
Everyday I fall in love with you again,
your eyes I am lost in, and you,
you are lost in my thoughts.
Butterflies somersault in my stomach
and set off fireworks
at the mere thought of you,
cliche but you should know it's true.
Eye's opening wide,
knots in my throat,
why does it always feel like the first time?
I could lay with you forever,
you make me feel safe,
melt with every kiss,
I just know I love you.
how do I know?
Why me? Why you? How?
I don't know, so answer me this.
How do you do it?
Everyday I fall in love with you again,
your eyes I am lost in, and you,
you are lost in my thoughts.
Butterflies somersault in my stomach
and set off fireworks
at the mere thought of you,
cliche but you should know it's true.
Eye's opening wide,
knots in my throat,
why does it always feel like the first time?
I could lay with you forever,
you make me feel safe,
melt with every kiss,
I just know I love you.
how do I know?
Why me? Why you? How?
I don't know, so answer me this.
How do you do it?
Finally Quiet (#9)
Silence is beautiful, nothing heard ...
Yet always there remains something that
whispers words softly.
Breathing absent, the Heartbeat gone,
even your Thoughts are gone.
In a blank room, empty, no one else,
just you and the silence;
a light shines, above you angelic choirs
just for you and the silence.
Yet always there remains something that
whispers words softly.
Breathing absent, the Heartbeat gone,
even your Thoughts are gone.
In a blank room, empty, no one else,
just you and the silence;
a light shines, above you angelic choirs
just for you and the silence.
Friday, October 30, 2009
lost
curled up, holding myself, feeling empty.
dejected, cascading warm waters enveloping me,
washing away my sorrow and grief, creating more.
surrounded with comfort, in a womb once more;
surrounded with pain, drowning once more;
despairing attacks of panic, scared
of what? of loss, utter loss
happiness, joy, and content fulfillment
smiles, laughter
no more, I fear, or do I delude myself so?
a smile, so hard to fake, I miss ...
everything I can't have, everything I know I need:
a look, a touch, a laugh, a smile in your eyes
a comforting feeling ... where is it?
weeping, total and complete abandon
succumbing to the hot water, fighting the hot tears
losing both battles, mercilessly pouring out
everything in me, talking to no-one
hoping you hear me, apologies and pleas,
vows heard only by droplets falling
falling, slipping down the drain,
soaked in water, tears, regret, pain, and hope
hope of something else, but washed out
sleepless night, tossing, turning, staining my pillow
with pain, terrifying haunting dreams
trapping me in fetters, waking up in a daze
like a ghost of me, I trudged through a schedule
as in another dream
unable to think of anything else
thinking, thinking, thinking, digging myself in deeper
over-analyzing, letting the tears fall in secret
hidden emotions bared to no-one,
silently pleading, begging for help
to no-one who can hear me
please, please hear me
dejected, cascading warm waters enveloping me,
washing away my sorrow and grief, creating more.
surrounded with comfort, in a womb once more;
surrounded with pain, drowning once more;
despairing attacks of panic, scared
of what? of loss, utter loss
happiness, joy, and content fulfillment
smiles, laughter
no more, I fear, or do I delude myself so?
a smile, so hard to fake, I miss ...
everything I can't have, everything I know I need:
a look, a touch, a laugh, a smile in your eyes
a comforting feeling ... where is it?
weeping, total and complete abandon
succumbing to the hot water, fighting the hot tears
losing both battles, mercilessly pouring out
everything in me, talking to no-one
hoping you hear me, apologies and pleas,
vows heard only by droplets falling
falling, slipping down the drain,
soaked in water, tears, regret, pain, and hope
hope of something else, but washed out
sleepless night, tossing, turning, staining my pillow
with pain, terrifying haunting dreams
trapping me in fetters, waking up in a daze
like a ghost of me, I trudged through a schedule
as in another dream
unable to think of anything else
thinking, thinking, thinking, digging myself in deeper
over-analyzing, letting the tears fall in secret
hidden emotions bared to no-one,
silently pleading, begging for help
to no-one who can hear me
please, please hear me
Thursday, September 10, 2009
frustration
For every verbal jab you take at me,
one tear rolls down.
Unseen, unnoticed.
I want to scream at you too, I wan to hurt you back,
I want to stand up and disrespect you back.
I want to take jabs at your heart too.
Call you ungrateful, call you insolent and lazy,
call you words we both know you're not.
I want to show you how hard this is
I want you to know how I truly feel
How much I need for you to just leave me be
I know what I'm doing.
I know what I need.
Don't ask about my sleep schedule
Don't ask about my work ethic
Don't ask about my mood
Don't ask about my eating habits
I have enough to deal with
Without you taking constant jabs
At me, at him, at us. At me!
Stop it, let me do my work alone
I don't need your jokes
I don't need your input
I don't need your immaturity right now
Just leave me be
one tear rolls down.
Unseen, unnoticed.
I want to scream at you too, I wan to hurt you back,
I want to stand up and disrespect you back.
I want to take jabs at your heart too.
Call you ungrateful, call you insolent and lazy,
call you words we both know you're not.
I want to show you how hard this is
I want you to know how I truly feel
How much I need for you to just leave me be
I know what I'm doing.
I know what I need.
Don't ask about my sleep schedule
Don't ask about my work ethic
Don't ask about my mood
Don't ask about my eating habits
I have enough to deal with
Without you taking constant jabs
At me, at him, at us. At me!
Stop it, let me do my work alone
I don't need your jokes
I don't need your input
I don't need your immaturity right now
Just leave me be
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Adjective Noun Verb, exception
faltering sunlight streaming
lace curtains billowing
vanilla candles ~ wafting
sensual strawberries ... mmm ...
(silky sheets enveloping)
rose...
....petals
............drifting
gently, hands caressing
feather pillows forgotten
increasing steam GATHERING
contented sighs escaping
excited chests heaving
lusciouslipsmeeting
eyes - frantic - rolling
electric.
shocks.
flashing.
gentle fingers exploring
gasping lips -
- parting
sacred meetings
repeating
lace curtains billowing
vanilla candles ~ wafting
sensual strawberries ... mmm ...
(silky sheets enveloping)
rose...
....petals
............drifting
gently, hands caressing
feather pillows forgotten
increasing steam GATHERING
contented sighs escaping
excited chests heaving
lusciouslipsmeeting
eyes - frantic - rolling
electric.
shocks.
flashing.
gentle fingers exploring
gasping lips -
- parting
sacred meetings
repeating
Moondance (inspired by Moondance)
As the moon crawls up into the starry stage
Silent flowers, watching, they bloom
We lazily sleep away the night
Missing out on their nightly romance
Well as we lie together tonight
I see stars dancing in your eyes
You smile and we do our own little dance
Only flowers and moon dancing by
Between the stars and the moon that shine
Such a spectacle to behold
And the flowers that reach up high
they sway, oh, they sway
And when I look at you
I see love dancing in your eyes
I see desire burning so bright
I know I can't hide
Can I stay up to watch my moon dance
with you, my darling?
Can I lay here watching my stars,
with you, my love?
Silent flowers, watching, they bloom
We lazily sleep away the night
Missing out on their nightly romance
Well as we lie together tonight
I see stars dancing in your eyes
You smile and we do our own little dance
Only flowers and moon dancing by
Between the stars and the moon that shine
Such a spectacle to behold
And the flowers that reach up high
they sway, oh, they sway
And when I look at you
I see love dancing in your eyes
I see desire burning so bright
I know I can't hide
Can I stay up to watch my moon dance
with you, my darling?
Can I lay here watching my stars,
with you, my love?
Saturday, August 8, 2009
what started as a sonnet and never became one (#25)
Hello stranger, you've for years been gone
You left quick, no for love you've come to look
A love lost, for no attention was paid
To the burning passion within her heart
Now you return, Eden's garden awaiting
Since Lucifer held no allure
For someone like you, no, you want her back
What makes you think she will still be waiting?
She could belong to someone else
Or all alone, waiting for your love
Don't worry your pretty little head
She will be forever waiting
Until the day you finally return
Return home, return to her
To her arms and in yours she will jump
She will wait forever if she has to
You are always worth it and she will be forever yours
You left quick, no for love you've come to look
A love lost, for no attention was paid
To the burning passion within her heart
Now you return, Eden's garden awaiting
Since Lucifer held no allure
For someone like you, no, you want her back
What makes you think she will still be waiting?
She could belong to someone else
Or all alone, waiting for your love
Don't worry your pretty little head
She will be forever waiting
Until the day you finally return
Return home, return to her
To her arms and in yours she will jump
She will wait forever if she has to
You are always worth it and she will be forever yours
untitled and undated (#21)
If only one day you'd see, but you never will. I am too afraid to let you in, too afraid of being hurt, but longing to be yours.
Open your eyes, I'm no longer scared. See me for me and not the facade you see everyday, see me for the one you love, if only. If only.
Open your eyes, I'm no longer scared. See me for me and not the facade you see everyday, see me for the one you love, if only. If only.
Untitled and undated (#20)
To everything there is a darker side, a side seldom seen by anyone. A side so dark that black coal looks light and the abyss of night seems a pale sight. That side of me that holds those things which ought not be seen, but I find myself longing for you to see this other side of me. If only you'd open your eyes you'd see how my heart aches for you, how my heart breaks when you look away, how I long for those accidental brushes of our hands. I tell you to stop, but I don't mean it. Never stop. Stay with me. Love me before it all fades away. Before your beautiful eyes become no more than dust in the wind. Before your touch transforms to mere memory, swallowed by the tide. Before I forget the sight of your smile. Before it all fades away into the darkest side of me.
Untitled and undated (#19)
I sit here, with you
You know I am here
Yet you don't see
The darker side of me
The side that longs for you
To be with me, for you
To hold me, for you
To see me
The side of me that
Fell for you when
You first loved me
So many years ago
The side that looks at you
With ravenous hunger
In its passionate eyes
Whenever you are near
The side that longs for
Your soft touch and
For to finally love me
The way I love you
You know I am here
Yet you don't see
The darker side of me
The side that longs for you
To be with me, for you
To hold me, for you
To see me
The side of me that
Fell for you when
You first loved me
So many years ago
The side that looks at you
With ravenous hunger
In its passionate eyes
Whenever you are near
The side that longs for
Your soft touch and
For to finally love me
The way I love you
The First Kiss (#31)
You hold me close in your arms
So tight the embrace
Staring deeply into my eyes
We are all alone here
You smile, you positively glow
Your eyes sparkle
We lean into each other
With every second we grow closer
My lips part in anticipation
I can smell your sweet scent
I could count every gold fleck
That shines in your eyes
Our lips make contact
Magic explodes around me
Your hand holding mine
Your arm around my waist
Exuberantly elated
The kiss ceases
You stare into my eyes
Our smiles widen
So tight the embrace
Staring deeply into my eyes
We are all alone here
You smile, you positively glow
Your eyes sparkle
We lean into each other
With every second we grow closer
My lips part in anticipation
I can smell your sweet scent
I could count every gold fleck
That shines in your eyes
Our lips make contact
Magic explodes around me
Your hand holding mine
Your arm around my waist
Exuberantly elated
The kiss ceases
You stare into my eyes
Our smiles widen
Why fight?
Angry whispers crescendo
Louder, penetrating walls
Louder, breaking down doors
The door I closed to shut them both out
As they yell, Louder, Louder!!!
I close the door, lock the door
Hug my stuffed animals, turn up the music
Can't hear my own thoughts
But I can still hear them
Can still feel my tears
Rolling down my cheeks
As they fight
Horrid names fly under the door
Under my skin, into my heart
Television volume turned up
So my siblings don't see
My music turned up louder
Competing with them, hiding my sobs
So they don't see what they do to me
Fighting, fighting, over what?
What's the use? The same fight
Again and again, louder and louder
Same argument, same names, same fight
I hide further away in my mind
Lose myself in the music
As the tears roll down
Flow down, cascade down
Like rivers into waterfalls
Fighting, fighting, why?
Is it over? I think it is
Is it safe to approach either?
My sullen father? My crying mother?
Who to comfort? Neither
Cause once again, the perfect family
Only to wait until another frayed link breaks
And the same fight begins
Louder, penetrating walls
Louder, breaking down doors
The door I closed to shut them both out
As they yell, Louder, Louder!!!
I close the door, lock the door
Hug my stuffed animals, turn up the music
Can't hear my own thoughts
But I can still hear them
Can still feel my tears
Rolling down my cheeks
As they fight
Horrid names fly under the door
Under my skin, into my heart
Television volume turned up
So my siblings don't see
My music turned up louder
Competing with them, hiding my sobs
So they don't see what they do to me
Fighting, fighting, over what?
What's the use? The same fight
Again and again, louder and louder
Same argument, same names, same fight
I hide further away in my mind
Lose myself in the music
As the tears roll down
Flow down, cascade down
Like rivers into waterfalls
Fighting, fighting, why?
Is it over? I think it is
Is it safe to approach either?
My sullen father? My crying mother?
Who to comfort? Neither
Cause once again, the perfect family
Only to wait until another frayed link breaks
And the same fight begins
I Need You To Love Me (#10)
I want to talk to you
To laugh with you
To smile with you
To joke with you
Can't you see that I need you?
I want to be with you
To run away with you
To walk with you
To spend lifetimes with you
Don't you see? I need you.
I want to be in love
For always and forever
Plus one extra day
Just to be with you more.
My life is perfect when I'm with you
A disaster when you're gone
I hate it when you're away
I want you to stay
I need you to stay
I need you to need me to
I need you to love me
To laugh with you
To smile with you
To joke with you
Can't you see that I need you?
I want to be with you
To run away with you
To walk with you
To spend lifetimes with you
Don't you see? I need you.
I want to be in love
For always and forever
Plus one extra day
Just to be with you more.
My life is perfect when I'm with you
A disaster when you're gone
I hate it when you're away
I want you to stay
I need you to stay
I need you to need me to
I need you to love me
Friday, June 19, 2009
Aura
When you finally found service,
I jumped for joy and smiled until this very moment.
I slept though the night,
I went through the rest of my day
With "an aura of elation"
as my sweet grandmother described it.
Tidal waves of relief flooded through my being
When I heard your voice again,
Your sweet voice, oh how I'd missed it
So much I missed you.
Knowing you were safe and on your way home,
I took off the necklace yesterday,
Knowing it clashed with my clothes.
I spent the day at the pool
Accompanied by my entire family,
But I could not help looking at my phone
Every hour or so, I wanted it.
I wanted a connection to you nearby ...
My grandmother kept reminding to stop smiling,
That my face would freeze that way.
They wonder why I was feeling so ...
Playful towards my siblings,
Why I cleaned my room without being asked,
Why I washed the dishes for dinner on time instead of at midnight,
Why I consented to so many unusual things,
All the while smiling like a little fool.
With an aura of elation, exuding happiness.
Why?
Because you're back home, nearby, safe.
I'm still smiling, incessantly, sweetly,
Lost in thought, reminiscing about you.
A smile and an aura.
I jumped for joy and smiled until this very moment.
I slept though the night,
I went through the rest of my day
With "an aura of elation"
as my sweet grandmother described it.
Tidal waves of relief flooded through my being
When I heard your voice again,
Your sweet voice, oh how I'd missed it
So much I missed you.
Knowing you were safe and on your way home,
I took off the necklace yesterday,
Knowing it clashed with my clothes.
I spent the day at the pool
Accompanied by my entire family,
But I could not help looking at my phone
Every hour or so, I wanted it.
I wanted a connection to you nearby ...
My grandmother kept reminding to stop smiling,
That my face would freeze that way.
They wonder why I was feeling so ...
Playful towards my siblings,
Why I cleaned my room without being asked,
Why I washed the dishes for dinner on time instead of at midnight,
Why I consented to so many unusual things,
All the while smiling like a little fool.
With an aura of elation, exuding happiness.
Why?
Because you're back home, nearby, safe.
I'm still smiling, incessantly, sweetly,
Lost in thought, reminiscing about you.
A smile and an aura.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Chick Lit
You know what I noticed yesterday at my favorite used-book store?
There's whole bookcases marked by the genre Chick Lit.
GENRE!!! It's a genre!!! Why?
and besides Chick Lit was the Romance section ...
Guess what? Everything was pink, whole isles of pink covers
pastel pink, hot pink, blinding amounts of pink
with titles like "Better in Bed" and "Cliques and Love"
Meaningless books about meaningless things,
Preppy girls talking about virginity and hot boys
Lip gloss, shopping, hating school, boys, boys, boys.
Those romance books? With the half-naked girls swooning and draped over the arm of those half-naked overly-muscular ape-like men.
No wonder women and girls are deemed less competent than boys and men.
These books are all used and continue to fly off the shelves, why?
Because women and girls really do read this trash and enjoy it,
Delving into stacks of these so-called novels,
frittering away their summers and endless years,
killing off brain-cells, reading these ... I hate to even call them books.
Don't women understand that they can read better books and not lose any femininity?
Being intelligent and learning and enjoying intellectuality is not wrong or unfeminine. Jesus, why? Women have come so far and it is people like these who hold women back.
Why do they even place these "books" next to the science fiction and the mysteries?
Why next to the philosophies of the Dalai Lama?
I don't understand it, so I walk away with "Crime and Punishment,"
"Brave New World," "Vinegar Hill," "Napoleon's Buttons," and "One Heart."
There's whole bookcases marked by the genre Chick Lit.
GENRE!!! It's a genre!!! Why?
and besides Chick Lit was the Romance section ...
Guess what? Everything was pink, whole isles of pink covers
pastel pink, hot pink, blinding amounts of pink
with titles like "Better in Bed" and "Cliques and Love"
Meaningless books about meaningless things,
Preppy girls talking about virginity and hot boys
Lip gloss, shopping, hating school, boys, boys, boys.
Those romance books? With the half-naked girls swooning and draped over the arm of those half-naked overly-muscular ape-like men.
No wonder women and girls are deemed less competent than boys and men.
These books are all used and continue to fly off the shelves, why?
Because women and girls really do read this trash and enjoy it,
Delving into stacks of these so-called novels,
frittering away their summers and endless years,
killing off brain-cells, reading these ... I hate to even call them books.
Don't women understand that they can read better books and not lose any femininity?
Being intelligent and learning and enjoying intellectuality is not wrong or unfeminine. Jesus, why? Women have come so far and it is people like these who hold women back.
Why do they even place these "books" next to the science fiction and the mysteries?
Why next to the philosophies of the Dalai Lama?
I don't understand it, so I walk away with "Crime and Punishment,"
"Brave New World," "Vinegar Hill," "Napoleon's Buttons," and "One Heart."
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Four Months
(I know I'm one day early, but I couldn't help myself. It just came to me and I knew I'd lose it if I didn't write it this very moment.)
You've been gone for only a few days,
But already I find it hard, so very hard,
To go through the day-to-day routine.
I can't sleep at night: I'm worried.
I've been having nightmares, bad dreams,
I worry about you, are you hurt?
Please don't be, I pray, each night,
Each time I wake up from these nightmares,
Each time I try to fall back asleep.
I hug the phone and fiddle with the necklace,
Over and over, until I'm again asleep.
Sleeping is futile, but being awake?
Yet a completely different nightmare.
I refuse to take off the necklace,
Thought it may not match my clothes.
I refuse to leave my phone behind,
Though I know you can not call.
I do everything to take my mind off you
But inevitably I come right back you.
I read a book and something reminds me of you.
I watch my favorite show and that damn dancer has your name.
I wash dishes, mow lawns, clean pools, walk Phoebe,
Cook meals, clean rooms, babysit, bathe Phoebe,
write poems not about you that lead to poems about you,
lie in the hammock to stare at the sky and it rains, reminding me of you.
So I try to sleep.
What is this nonsense?
I feel like one of those girls in romance novels,
Too helpless to lead my own life without you,
Losing sleep worrying over you,
trying to do everything to remember you're enjoying yourself.
Don't get me wrong, I've been having fun too.
I've had a pretty good time,these past few days,
But it takes so much focus to get you out of my mind.
Jeez, why is this so hard?
Being apart from you ... I've done this before,
I went months without talking to you before,
so why this now? Why is this so hard on my heart?
How have you managed to take complete hold of my heart and mind?
I miss you. I truly do, I guess that's why I can't sleep,
Why I can't think of anything but you,
Why all those songs make me feel like I'm about to cry.
I miss you.
That simple.
I miss you.
You've been gone for only a few days,
But already I find it hard, so very hard,
To go through the day-to-day routine.
I can't sleep at night: I'm worried.
I've been having nightmares, bad dreams,
I worry about you, are you hurt?
Please don't be, I pray, each night,
Each time I wake up from these nightmares,
Each time I try to fall back asleep.
I hug the phone and fiddle with the necklace,
Over and over, until I'm again asleep.
Sleeping is futile, but being awake?
Yet a completely different nightmare.
I refuse to take off the necklace,
Thought it may not match my clothes.
I refuse to leave my phone behind,
Though I know you can not call.
I do everything to take my mind off you
But inevitably I come right back you.
I read a book and something reminds me of you.
I watch my favorite show and that damn dancer has your name.
I wash dishes, mow lawns, clean pools, walk Phoebe,
Cook meals, clean rooms, babysit, bathe Phoebe,
write poems not about you that lead to poems about you,
lie in the hammock to stare at the sky and it rains, reminding me of you.
So I try to sleep.
What is this nonsense?
I feel like one of those girls in romance novels,
Too helpless to lead my own life without you,
Losing sleep worrying over you,
trying to do everything to remember you're enjoying yourself.
Don't get me wrong, I've been having fun too.
I've had a pretty good time,these past few days,
But it takes so much focus to get you out of my mind.
Jeez, why is this so hard?
Being apart from you ... I've done this before,
I went months without talking to you before,
so why this now? Why is this so hard on my heart?
How have you managed to take complete hold of my heart and mind?
I miss you. I truly do, I guess that's why I can't sleep,
Why I can't think of anything but you,
Why all those songs make me feel like I'm about to cry.
I miss you.
That simple.
I miss you.
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