"Menopause"

"The doctor put me on a hormone regimen. I'm apparently going through menopause ... or pre-menopause," my mother flatly stated.

A fact - apparently it's a fact now, she said it.

She didn't whisper its name like an unwanted disease rearing it ugly head from the shadows of an unknown future no woman desires.

She didn't force it out through clenched jaws like a threat.

She didn't disguise it with nicknames or refuse to say it like a toddler refusing to accept the truth.

No longer is that word a fear of the future, full of foreboding, no... 

No, now it's just a fact.

She is no longer the younger woman I remember, the one I left two years ago, the one who did everything in her power to keep menopause at bay: creams, serums, exercise, teas, lotions,  herbal drinks, exotic foods, etc...

No. She is older.

She is the lady who worries about coloring her graying hair because she is ashamed of the loss of pigmentation. Because it doesn't look pretty, she says.

She is the one who worries about dressing "her age" because she is worried about the "pooch" of fat over her abdomen, her diminished bosom, and the sagging muscles in her "buns and thighs." Because women my age shouldn't show too much, she says.

She is the person who frets over her slowed metabolism and the difficulty of keeping her figure that she never had before so she exercises daily (or more often) - because she finds it difficult to maintain a constant weight and a toned body. Because I need something to fill up my time at home, she says.

She is the mama who exercises, gardens, cleans, cooks, reads, and surfs the internet to fill time because her children are growing up and do not need her in the same time-consuming way. Because I like it, she says.

She is the mom who needs coffee to fully wake up and needs more coffee than she used to in order to wake her up because, like any addiction, you need more and more of the substance to get the same high as time goes on. Because I like how it tastes and it helps me wake up, she says.

She is the woman who needs reading glasses over her contacts because her eyesight is diminishing as the years go by and her contact lens prescription cannot fix her trouble reading fine print, nutrition facts on food, and books. Because I don't want to go to the doctor again, she says.

She is going to go through menopause.

She is saying the word.

She is ... older ... older than I am prepared to accommodate.