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My quietly observant, strict Roman Catholic, conservative, celiac grandmother sweetly sits next to me on my bed,
only a few moments ago, to begin saying her goodbyes.
She tells me to take care of myself, wishes me luck,
mentions that she may not be here for my graduation,
slips in a slight about a pretty prom dress, preferably red,
and burdens my conscience.

She begins to tell me all her worries about my mother:
she's getting too thin, she look emaciated sometimes you know?
she stresses out too much,
have you seen her skin? she might have arthritis.

My father: he's gained so much weight, his attitude towards help,
he needs to get some help, his anxiety,
you know there exists an AA type thing for obesity,
he refuses help and you know,
your mother got real sullen about this subject too.
Not just about his weight, I know there is more stress
that has nothing to do with you going off to college,
he needs help, sweetie, you know?

My brother: he spends absolutely too much time playing those ....
those games, his hands appear permanently holding a console,
he's gonna have social issues in school, you'll see.

She fails to mention my sister, and looks at me sideways ...
she says she doesn't really know how things are these days between young kids,
boyfriends and girlfriends, but if I'm to have "relations" .... she blushes ...
you know, I should just be careful not just with pregnancy but ...
she goes quiet and shuffles her feet, you know, with diseases.
Um apparently this is a really personal decision to make and she feels she is not one to preach or give anyone advice on when is the "best" time, but ...
you know, just be careful, honey.

She hugs me, unsmiling now, but not quite frowning.
She is pleased with her first goodbye, but I know more is yet to come.
I am left sitting alone on my bed with all her worries mixed with my own.
My own worries heightened by hers and her prodding,
her simple "you know?"s, god enough!!!
I think about all of this without you telling me,
I don't need to hear this from your point of view.
Now I'm overflowing with too much emotion, half of it not even my own.
Music is quietly playing, I wish it were blasting but it has to be subdued.
Why? Because "the show" is on and no one likes "my" music.
So I am left to stew in my thoughts ....
I'd like to go running right now, but it's too dark and too cold.
So I settle for quiet music and literally turning my back on my family while they eat and talk and smile those fake smiles because they all worry about each other and no one says anything to the person they SHOULD be talking to. No, they come to me and spill their worries like sand escaping through fingers.
And I am left coming here, to enjoy the beautiful sound of the clanking keys so fast and furiously