curled up, holding myself, feeling empty.
dejected, cascading warm waters enveloping me,
washing away my sorrow and grief, creating more.
surrounded with comfort, in a womb once more;
surrounded with pain, drowning once more;
despairing attacks of panic, scared
of what? of loss, utter loss
happiness, joy, and content fulfillment
smiles, laughter
no more, I fear, or do I delude myself so?
a smile, so hard to fake, I miss ...
everything I can't have, everything I know I need:
a look, a touch, a laugh, a smile in your eyes
a comforting feeling ... where is it?
weeping, total and complete abandon
succumbing to the hot water, fighting the hot tears
losing both battles, mercilessly pouring out
everything in me, talking to no-one
hoping you hear me, apologies and pleas,
vows heard only by droplets falling
falling, slipping down the drain,
soaked in water, tears, regret, pain, and hope
hope of something else, but washed out
sleepless night, tossing, turning, staining my pillow
with pain, terrifying haunting dreams
trapping me in fetters, waking up in a daze
like a ghost of me, I trudged through a schedule
as in another dream
unable to think of anything else
thinking, thinking, thinking, digging myself in deeper
over-analyzing, letting the tears fall in secret
hidden emotions bared to no-one,
silently pleading, begging for help
to no-one who can hear me
please, please hear me
